Hair today. Gone tomorrow…..

So I have this theory that the devil was present when god was making man. I can imagine them both sitting down under the apple tree and having a general TGIF moment on a Friday evening and as usual god is rattling away at how good his little “universe project” is coming around. The devil is chugging on a glass of wine with his legs resting on a garden chair.

And god goes, “hey luci (yes that’s what I would call a guy named lucifer too.) , want a sneak peak at the new product I’m releasing tomorrow?” And the devil strokes the head of the serpent on his lap lovingly and yawns – “whatever!! Make it fast though- got some work to do on my “universe project” too… “.

So god mumbles something, puts on his specs, hobbles into his workshop adjoining the garden and comes back in a few minutes, “Ta. da. Behold my best ever creation yet” and out walks man. And the devil nearly chokes the little snake on his lap in astonishment, drops his wine glass and goes “OMG. He looks a lot like your evil twin”. god blushes a light shade of pink, “ha!ha! I know, that’s because I made him In my own image.” The devil blows a raspberry, “phurp”. “Damn. Don’t you think that would come across as extreme ego pandering?”.

God looks a bit irritated by now, realizing that his masterpiece is not actually drawing a positive reaction “ You know what – the rest of creation can take a hike, ’cause I care a damn what they think. infact I’m calling him just that – “A damn”…. and you know what ….. (pause for effect) … I’m going to create another one just like this one just to keep him occupied”.

By now lucifer is very amused and the wine seems to be also kicking in nicely, he gets up, the serpent now curls up nicely around Lucy’s neck, flicks a forked tongue and knows there’s something important about to happen. Lucy walks up to Adam, looks him In the eye and goes “boo!!”. Adam jumps up in utter fear and darts out into the garden naked. God tries to control his laughter and admonishes the devil “Luci. Don’t scare the poor boy!”.

Lucifer waits a few moments, for effect and to make sure Adam has well and truly left and walks up to god, and whispers “ you know what? This bald guy is great, but I have a quick fix to keep this dumb chap occupied when the woman you’re planning, isn’t around…”. god dismisses him with a wave of the hand and goes- “don’t worry I’ve taken care of that your pervert? Anyways go ahead it’s Friday evening and I can do with some party talk.”

The devil scratches his bald head and smiles -“ you got to just put some thin grass like stuff on his head that would grow, blow in the wind, get easily disturbed, change colour and fall off. Believe me that’s enough to keep this nitwik occupied”. God shakes his head, slaps the devil on his back and goes “ like hair? finally, that’s sheer genius. Why didn’t I think of that myself. something I could definitely do”. He snaps his fingers and sure enough Adam who’s by now grinning at his own reflection in the stream that runs through the garden of eden, jumps up with joy on suddenly seeing hair pop up on his head and starts running his fingers through it.

God looks at lucifer, shakes his head, smiles and goes – “you little devil! See you tomorrow. Careful it’s getting dark outside….”

And THAT my friend is where it all started…

Fast forward 2000 years …

Growing up we all develop a love-hate relationship with our hair. I didn’t have such privileges though. i grew up with both parents from the forces and was also part of a cult-like religious group- without the pointy hats though. So while the 70s and 80s were marked by long hair and bell bottoms- for us 3 brothers we used to sport what is called a “summer cut”, so lets just agree that much of my relationship with my hair has been – hate.

For the uninitiated, a “summer cut” is essentially where a “barber” would mimic a farmer ploughing his field using a “machine”. Yes when we were growing up – everything was simple and we just called things as it is without fear of being called out as “inappropriate”.

We stayed in a middle class neighbourhood of town, and the “neighbourhood” essentially meant we had an oil shop (to buy kerosene) for cooking …. next was a “Nayyar baker”,… “barber shop”…… “paper shop”… “Brahmin hotel”…. “Potti Kadai….. “Bhai hotel” …. “watch shop”…. next Muslim doc…. then “next street” which essentially was that – the next street, where many of our friends and pandian, our PT master and Alwar our science master from School lives. It was a time before GPS, internet, handphone and 6 lane roads, and so our world essentially extended around a 10 kilometres radius. Go east to marina beach….. west to Nungambakkam …. north to mount road or parry’s corner at best and south to Mylapore ….. or adyar.

So then , sorry I digressed there, the barber used to do “house calls” when we were real small and then, when we could cross the road, we did the “walk of shame” to and back from the hair dresser like a “before”- “after” tictok video. The next week post the dreaded haircut was all about being teased in school, wearing a cap and generally having a good look in the mirror every morning hoping for some growth. We finally landed at church on Sunday morning and everyone gave me an appreciative nod and smile and I literally saw a white dove take off from the back of my head while a voice from heaven went “nitwik”.

Anyways my relationship with my hair has taken a lot of avatars since – “summer-cut” … “step-cut” … “just trimming” … “number 2 blade full-ah podu pah” … “long”, to where I’m now “headed” (sorry for the pun) – “bald!”

… and you’re afraid a virus named after a beer is going to take me down?

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