For 2 years I’ve been having mixed feelings about my Taylor guitar. It is a beautiful guitar that my son lugged all the way from Canada for me, but the tone was just not cutting it and the high action was adding to my frustration. I used to pick it up- play it for a bit and it went and stayed in the case for months. That was until today, and all I did was change the strings, to a set with a lighter gauge (thinkness). The difference was magical, and the instrument seems to have come to life and the distinct taylor chime sound with a long sustain now comes through like a dream. Sometimes its the small adjustments that make the biggest difference. It happens all the time at work too- you have a staff that has a performance issue, and sometimes all it takes is for a new manager to come and just change the string gauge and things start sounding dramatically different. We are all great instruments in our own right and sometimes all it takes is a string change and a tune up and for many of us Covid did just that and really opened our eyes to appreciate the little things we took for granted. Time for a setup this New year. đ
Last evening I went to redo a root canal I did over 5 years ago. I was experiencing excruciating pain that was shooting up my skull- pain I hadnt experienced since I stopped watching a particular TV news anchor over 3 years ago, and so I took the bold step I was putting off.
An xray revealed that the earlier work didn’t exactly go right up to the end of the root, so I agreed to do a rerun.
Dental visits in these COVID times are like a visit to NASA. The dentist came in a full space suit-type garb, she gave me a local anaesthetic and said “Lift your left hand when the pain is too much”. (Naughty. Naughty) đ
Anyways she got to work and more surprises were in store as she was pulling out small pieces of cotton from my problem tooth like sorcar the magician. ( Cotton left inside by mistake 5 years ago.) Long story short – Im just letting all the bad stuff drain out this diwali weekend and hopefully have a “happy ending” next week. đ
It got me thinking though about how many of us carry remnants of mistakes and scars from the past which we patched up. Trust me not addressing them was a bad mistake. Redo that root canal and save that sweet tooth.
For a couple of weekends since coming to chennai, I’ve been driving a leased vehicle I had booked through a mobile app.
The car wasn’t anything fancy, but was using the GPS-enabled app. and providing me with unsolicited feedback and driving “scores” at periodic intervals.
The moment I got my first feedback, I was impressed with the novelty of the experience, and even checked the app a couple of times to track my scores, which unfortunately was starting to look more and more like supermodel statistics- 26-23-28,âŚ
I couldn’t initially “accept” the fact that I just got rated “low”, but smiled and dismissed it and consciously started focussing on my driving. It was then that I actually realised there were a few “flaws” – hmmm, i depended too much on my reflexes and I did go into some kind of trance while driving and sometimes don’t recall anything that happened during the drive at all.
Anyways it was only when the scores starting going further south and the feedback getting personal, to the point where it actually termed my driving “lousy” that I lost it.
Chennai is a busy city under “normal” circumstances, and I’ve honed my skill for decades on its chaotic roads, where everyone provides instant feedback on everybody else’s driving skills. “Dei. saavgiraaki” is reserved usually for the morons using cell phones while driving. Another feedback for a driver with poor road sense is ” aiey, veetilla sohlitiya?” (meaning : have you told folks at home on your suicide mission?”.
Anyways we ” chennaites” learn to give and take feedback on the roads, not take anything said personally, and the short “reaction times” given the bumper-to-bumper traffic, only provides for a stare, a quick “choice word”, and some finger gestures that are more than self explanatory – mostly referring to a flawed genetic pool and sometimes people on the family tree âŚ.and we move on.
We chennai-ites learn the difference between “getting defeated” and “being defeated” early in life. I’ve been in the receiving end of the gestures and rants a few times and have leant to (a) not take myself too seriously (b) actually appreciate the vast, and flowery vocabulary of the other party and (c) pick up a few choice words myself along the way that I store for future use at short notice.
I for one think that Donald Trump may have done well to learn a thing or two about accepting defeat with grace and dignity had he grown up in north chennai. He’s been driving his pickup truck like a “saav giraaki” for 4 years now. Learning to accept and even embracing failure with dignity, is an important aspect of growing up and getting better at what we do.
I watched a recording of the US Presidential debate on youtube- and let me tell you, if you thought the pandemic was the worst 2020 could bring, think again. Come november and the seat for the most powerful human being in the world would go to one of these two.
Yes, you should be worried.
Today was a public holiday and so kavitha and I ordered a full, non-vegetarian meal for lunch and took a postprandial, siesta that extended well into the evening. We got up and panicked- “Oh gawd. that meal was so good , and we over did it, now we won’t be able to sleep tonight. lets go for a long walk” she said. “hmmm. why not just order another big south indian thali (meal) for dinner and address the sleep issue” i quipped in humour.
The stress the world faces today is (1) a lack of choices when it comes to stuff that matter, and (2) our ability to make critical decisions seem to have been compromised by the influence of social media. ( I recommend watching “the social dilemma” on Netflix)
We have a ton of choices when it comes to the super market, but not so at the polling booth. Its like we’re sitting, mouth wide open and mildly sedated on a dentists chair and hearing the dentist go- “Root canal âŚ. or extraction?”, and you shrug your shoulders trying to communicate a “wtf?”, but he takes it as “its fine, either way” and the last thing you remember is him flashing you a “thumbs up”.
So there you have it, we may as yet find a cure to the pandemic in the next few weeks and finally be able to remove our masks- but trust me its not going to be a pretty picture watching a billion people forcing a smile with two front teeth missing- jobs, close family members and probably more.
Till then. paint a smiley face on your mask and pretend its not happening.
You know you’re getting older when you can’t stop thinking about “back in the day” stuff.
We’ve all aged prematurely during the pandemic, and constantly ponder over, how things were before shit hit the fan six months ago.
Lets talk “Underwear”, for instance. It seems like a whole generation has woken up from a long sleep, rummaged through their lockers, got confused by a strange, small piece of clothing with a “victorias secret” label and come to a conclusion that it was something we put around our nose and mouth. Yes, everyone and his pet dog seems to have caught on with the style statement, and we’ve come to define the “new normal” as the practice of wearing underwear on our face.
Talking of Underwear – have you noticed that they have somehow become “optional” these days, and the “new normal”, morning rush around the living room, seems to be around watching obese “back in the day” corporate types, chomping down on a “pav-bhaaji” breakfast meal just delivered by a shy, orange clad, overworked “swiggy” delivery boy- “Oh gawd, how many more morons do i need to see walking around in formal shirts, boxer shorts and barefeet?”
“arre shweety, i cant find my silky, red boxers you got me last week?⌠you know the one with the hulk picture in front? Also where is my wallet yaar, I need to pay this swiggy guy”
You walk into a mall and the “Jockey” stores seem strangely to be closing down or running short of XXL briefs. Everyone seems to be focussed on dressing from the waist up only for Video Conference calls, and consequently queues at the makeup counters are getting longer and more impatient.
“maybelline Blush hai? 10 deh doh madam. jhaldee”
Job losses are a sad reality of the pandemic, and one unlikely hit is the “iron-wallah”- poor chap, he used to strut along into the apartment building like he owned the penthouse- bribing the watchman and sometimes even didnt pick up your call down the weekend, and you almost hugged him when he agreed to do a set of formals for monday morning as a “special case”. Now? The guy is walking aimlessly outside the apartment gate watching teary-eyed at the “maamies” who seem to have deleted him from their “speed-dial” list and now just wriggle their noses at him and go “huh?” while continuing to dry endless lines of boxers, banian, “kerchief” and an occasional “no wrinkle” shirt.
“Back in the day” we queued up at the petrol pumps, to fill up our vehicles. Now? With everyone working from home, most folks seem to be going there to buy bubble gum and weasel in some free air, and if we decide to actually fill up gas, the attendants treat you like a mini celebrity and almost want to give you a shoulder massage as you both wait endlessly to hear the last drop of your 500 rupee worth of petrol, hit the bottom of your tank”
On the flip side, the pandemic is an opportunity for “fathers of the bride”. No more having extra long walks down the weekend to avoid your “little girl” broach the subject of marriage, and the prospect of watching your lifetime savings go bust, feeding 500 “near-strangers”, warm rasogollas and 12 varieties of “chaat”.
Now we have the “doting father no.1” sitting slyly on the sofa with newspaper in hand every morning, jumping up when his almost “ready-to-be-wed” girl walks inâŚ. “betti. the astrologer says its a good time for weddings ⌠and this good phase would only last for the next 90 days” he adds with a wicked smile. hmmm. yes its a “good time” especially when theres a restriction on the number of people that can gather together, and the “agile thinking parents” are falling over each other to get their daughters married off during the pandemic and saving lakhs on wedding expenses.
if you’re a dad, blessed with a fat, ugly daughter of marriageable age on the other hand- fret not, this is a double whammy, and you could save money, while also peddling off your ugly daughters while insisting she wears a mask and pointing fingers at the pandemic as a cause for her obesity.
Successful people are those who see opportunity in the face of adversity- your time is now.
You can learn a lot about the people in a home by looking at the size and contents of their refrigerators- their priorities, their beliefs, their lifestyle ⌠and sadly in these strange times, their political leanings too.
hmmm. small family-BIG refrigerator? BIG Family- small refrigerator, or No refrigerator at all.
Last week i went to the supermarket and got some eggs and frozen parathas ⌠it was only when i got home, that i realized that i didn’t have a frying pan or skillet (“tawa”) at the place i’m currently staying.
What does your refrigerator tell the world about you? What relationships do you have stocked up in the easily assessable top shelves of your lives? What do you keep at the coldest part of your refrigerator- the back row of the lowest shelves? When was the last time you checked in on the expiry dates of those little jars you bought on on impulse and is now just taking up space? Do you find yourself getting up in the middle of the night, staring endlessly into the dark, dank, crevices of your mind? Have you considered having a smaller refrigerator to improve your eating habits and consume fresh? Will you be embarrassed if someone opened your refrigerator by mistake? when was the last time you sat up in bed on a quiet night and heard the strange, ambient sound of the purring of your refrigerator- spooky! right?
An organized fridge saves time and money. If you know exactly what’s inside, grocery shopping and mealtimes become way more efficient, with less food waste and unpleasant smells.
If you have young children, stick their healthy, go-to snacks at eye level so they can easily grab them without making a mess.
And finally categorize and store items in clear containers. The world is full of people that come in opaque containers and print too small to read. Carry your bifocals and read the fine print at the supermarket shelf before you throw them in your shopping cart.
My dog max was trained by a police dog trainer, so… don’t be judgemental.
Infact he was so well trained, he had 3 gears when he wanted to poop- “Green”- when he had the thought locked in, but the reflex muscles were still sitting on the couch, teary-eyed and watching the “Lion King” scene where simbas dad is trampled to death. We lived in a community of row houses those days and he would bring his leash in his mouth at 5:30am, wait for you to carry the plastic bag and take him for a walk.
“Amber”, was when sphincter muscles had raised their “kanban” card like a “just-in-time”, manufacturing plant of Toyota. At such times he would give you a ” I dont think you can walk this emergency- just open the door”. He would run 50 meters in the early morning darkness to the community front gate, go to the main road, waking up the street dogs in the process, who’s startled barking would be just enough to relax his sphincter muscles and do his job smoothly.
He would reach a state of nirvana post that, and walk himself back home using the longest, slowest walk possible- stopping at our neighbours front door and drinking the small plate of milk kept their for the cat.
Once in a while though he would be having his afternoon “siesta”, all stretched out on the living room, and he would suddenly jump up with a crazy look on his face- like he’s seen a ghost, look down to make sure he didn’t soil himself, then goes skating through the living room and shoots into the neighbours garden shouting, “RED, RED, RED”, crap there and run back home in slow-motion- like he’s in a Bollywood dream sequence.
We all do that dont we?
Its been a while since I’ve given up on organized religion- but not long enough to forget that of the 10 commandments, two were focussed around maintaining good neighbourly relationships. My take though is if you dont get distracted by the mentions of ox, and man servant, etc, in the script, all it says is “Don’t be a jerk of a neighbour. Make it easy for him to love you”
Many of us though, take a dump in our neighbours garden every morning (okay not literally, that would be gross), but figuratively. In this totally connected world, the definition of “neighbour”, extends beyond the one who shares a physical wall with you. Everytime we make a stupid post on FB, or put up a hurtful comment, we are literally taking a dump in our neighbours garden.
Itâs going to be 25 years since kavitha and I got married, and itâs like someone dropped off a pile of wood at our front door along with 2 small allenkeys and a 1 page instructions manual from ikea to get on a study table and chair project.
We spent the first few years of our marriage sitting on the floor, just flipping the instruction sheet, staring a hundred times at the picture on the box and rummaging through the carton wondering if ikea forgot to include a few important parts and contemplating a trip back for a refund. Family members and friends would walk past shaking their heads and whispering at each other.
The next few years we seem to have gotten into a rhythm, and things moved at a brisk pace, and people walking past stopped by, complimented us on the progress, my handyman skills and for some strange reason, kavithas brains. 𤨠not mine?
I was sure i mixed up a few of the little nuts and bolts, but everything looked good, and I even shored up courage to sit on the chair, staring confused at 3 nuts and a washer still not fimdimg a place in the project, while shifting my weight uncomfortably from this end to that⌠hmmm. a little squeak here- nothing a can of WD40 would not fix.
Kavitha and I have been sitting on these chairs for what seems like a whole afternoon now, dreaming of swedish meatballs and raspberry sauce. aah! The chairs are very functional though, needs an extra cushion sometimes, no fuss” and literally zero maintenance. The only thing you need to do is make sure you keep that custom allen key set and those 2 extra nuts and washer in a safe spot.
We’ve had bigger and more expensive furniture over the years, and that ikea set seems to have move further into the background, but we smile and shake our head every time we walk past this simple, unpretentious, comfortable and warm ikea set thats seen it all and continues to hold its own.
Life is shorter than you think it is- smile and get some comfortable and warm furniture that makes living better.
I grew up during a time when we didnât have internet, and we actually had to wait for 7- 10 years to get a phone connection at home.
The âlandlineâ/ phone and thick directory were usually delivered months in advance of the connection actually being activated, and we continued to clean that dead phone every day with pride, anticipation and a feeling that weâve finally made it in life.
I still remember my mom sitting at the dining table, spending hours, flipping through the phone directory looking for âcontactsâ, which she would mark with a ball-point pen- a reminder of calls that needed to be made once the phone was actually activated. My dad too spent many a weekend afternoon, looking at the yellow pages for automobile parts shops, etc. We kids didnât have too much browsing to do because our friends circle lived within 100 meters of our home.
Closer to the activation date, the âline manâ came with a tester peeping out of his pocket, parked his cycle in front of our house, pulled out a connection confirmation list and sadistically just fixed the junction box and left, without actually activating anything.
We spent the next few days randomly picking up the receiver over 10 times a day, in hopes that we would hear the freaking, âring toneâ, and arguing between us over the placement of the phone in the living room.
It had to be at a prominent place in the living room that required a lot of furniture shifting and brought into play my dads interior decoration skills, ensuring all the visitors could admire it, and we could run without tripping over the wire, to make sure we picked it up âbefore the 3rd ringâ.
For a long period before that phone entered our living room, the only option we had to communicate in an emergency situation, required us to take a 20 minute bus ride to the general post office, 10 kilometres away, wait in line at midnight, when the charges were the lowest and send a telegram.
You paid by the word, so you had to communicate like you were âtweetingâ bad news. âThatha passed awayâ (hmmm. Cant we just use âdiedâ and save some money?). âFuneral tomorrow.â.
Receiving telegrams was a totally different ball game too. Not sure why but most telegrams were delivered at night (probably because someone else was also saving cash).
You were most probably in deep sleep, when you hear your dog growl, and then the sound of someone clicking the stand of a cycle in your garden.. then you heard someone stub his toe on the flower pot near the entrance, and curse in Tamil, before dragging a snapped âchappalâ onto the front door steps and start groping the wall in the dark, trying to find your doorbell. Finally a voice in the darkness goes- âSaar. telegramâ.
Thatâs it- the dog jumps into âbeastâ mode, all the lights in the house would turn on at the same time, my dad would spring out of bed, like an athlete on steroids, and catch the postman with a brown checked shawl around his head, making an entry in the register with a torchlight.
The rest of the night was all about dunking endless cups of strong chai and talking about the departed.
The âSTD boothsâ, (no. Itâs not what youâre thinking) came in a bit later, and around the same time we saw, âxerox/ faxâ shops popping up in the neighbourhood. It was usually manned by a person with special needs, who had bribed his way into a government job. The booth was a place you went to, when we had to deliver well-curated, intercity or overseas calls at the top of our voices and at a high speed. Given the high cost of ISD calls, these were reserved for extraordinary circumstances only- like wanting to reconfirm the flight details of a relative landing a month from now.
If it was bad news that had to be passed on to family members within the city limits, we had designated family members who were given the task- usually the most sad-faced, non-controversial, religious and boring relative, who owned a bike, was assigned the task.
As soon as you saw this âangel of deathâ⌠this âharbinger of bad newsâ as it were, outside your house, you went âohOHâ, and the faces of all the old people in your family tree started flashing in your mind, like a slot machine- âoh gawd. whoâs it going to be THIS time?â
Anyway this guy usually came across as too shy to even ring the bell, or he was too drunk. Either ways he was invariable in a confused state of mind, and standing outside our next door neighbours door, trying to explain the physical descriptions of all the members in our family – providing them with all our âpet namesâ (dippy? Anil? Sunil?) we were assigned within the family. Once we âuncleâ him in, he walks slowly into the house, asks for âdad or momâ and a glass of water. He was usually upgraded to a mandatory cup of lukewarm, over-sweet tea and glucose biscuits, which he nibbles at, while patting our head with sadness.
The âeldersâ (usually my dad in front , with my mom nervously hiding behind him) walk in, and before my dad could make a humorous, inappropriate remark, to start off proceedings, my mom would jump out, with outstretched arms, âyaaru? Yaaru?â
And then all hell usually broke loose, with a lot of crying. Coffee gets neglected along with the half-eaten Glucose biscuit, which our dogs would start showing interest in. If there were any of our friends playing caroms in our room- they started hugging the walls like a swat team on an episode of âCopsâ, and start slowly slipping out of the house in stealth-mode. Funeral details are shared and all our evening plans went for a toss.
Sigh!
These days the âdramaâ in communication seems to have been lost for ever. I miss the emotional âslow burnâ, when emoticons and smiley faces were actual people. Not for me the real-time, updates by over enthusiastic âmaamisâ in the family whatsapp group, that elbow âThathasâ spirit trying to get past the rooftop on the ether highway.
I remember growing up and going to the local âbarber shopâ for a haircut. When the guy is done with your head, heâll dab some powder on your neck, like heâs trying to cover up some errors and blood stains, brings out a mirror and stands behind you like a magicians assistant, letting you have a look at his handiwork, and areas of your anatomy you havenât seen in months, through a reflection on the mirror in front of you.
You give your head a good look like goldilocks would have (âmy. What big ears you have grandmotherâ) and before you could Identify any flaws, the rascal quickly shifts to the other side, and you nod hesitatingly, letting him know itâs âa okayâ – like we had any choice at that point.
Sadly âbarber shopsâ like many small business owners, are taking a big hit in this lockdown, and the mirrors seem sadly to have turned, and it sight doesnât look good.
I hope small business owners hang in there though and make a come back post the lockdown. I for one have pledged to use their services as far as possible once weâre back to normal mode- you should too.
Take precautions, and go back to that âchai wallaâ… go back to that 2 seater âhair saloonsâ… drop by at that family run restaurants …encourage the home bakers…. shop at your local âKiranaâ store for basic essentials … encourage local artists…
If youâre afraid these small âbarber shopsâ are going to screw up your hair style- trust me, Iâve seen all your selfies- that ship has passed. đ just do it!
Thereâs a pillow somewhere that has your name on it. The right height. Softness, and a âmemoryâ thatâs non judgemental and guaranteed to wake you up energized. Everytime.
Youâll know it when you find her. Sometimes staring seductively from the edge of the king size bed as you enter your hotel room. You drop your head and immediately everything you were doing stops, and the world seems to move in slow motion, and you dig in deeper, turn to the left, the right and it feels perfect, and you enjoy parts of her that could sue Disneyland for claiming to be the happiest place on earth. Aah!
Some hotels have a whole bunch for you to choose from too, and even ask you about your preference at booking or checkin, and you blurt out your preference embarrassingly, only to realize how important that call was, because Iâve sometimes felt like checking out of a hotel staring lovingly at the pillow from last night in arm and wondering if I broke any biblical laws.
Come to think of it, a pillow is not a complex contraption at all – no fancy electronics, simple utility value, no false promises and thatâs what makes her endearing. You can dress her up in fancy colours and throw her on the couch, fold, tuck, works well in groups of 2 or 3, especially helpful when you want to lighten up a party (pillow fights).
So there you have it. Wipe that grin off your face and go get yourself one. đ¤Śââď¸
Not sure about the virus, but my wife, Kavitha and I have been bitten by the crossword puzzle bug during the pandemic, and itâs got me thinking.
I realized thereâs a lot of similarities between solving crosswords and life situations.
Sometimes you go around the puzzle and feel like giving up in 20 seconds- but then all you need is one small break and the words just fall into place. One trick I use is to move on if the word does not immediately strike me âŚ. just move onâŚ. once you solve the other ones, these problem words get solved themselves.
Looking for context is sometimes key – most puzzles have a theme for each puzzle, once you get that, your brain processes words differently. Whatâs your purpose? Whatâs your calling?
A quirky add-on these days is using expressions like âahaâ or âhuhâ- whats life without these expressions of wonder to fill up the small 3 letter spaces in our life. Not everything in life should make sense and have meaning ⌠sometimes our situation is just an expression. Learn to smile at your situation.
Getting good at crossword is about being agile and having a curious mind. Learn to have a genuine interest in things beyond your comfort zone or âspecialityâ. Look around. Experience. Learn.
Contrary to popular belief- Life is not a race you compete with other people. Though most puzzle apps have a clock to track your progress- donât get too caught up with that. Youâll know it when youâre on a roll and looking at the clock only stresses you out.
Learn to ask for help. Iâve spent sleepless nights thinking of that one word to solve a puzzle. Sometimes in the New York times daily puzzle, many of the associations are with very local stuff- like baseball, or local politicians or geography. When I hit a roadblock and get frustrated- I just finally google it, and I learn something new in the bargain. Sometimes some situations in life are there for your learning- not solving. Donât stress out- Accept it and learn from every situation.
So⌠there you have it, these are difficult times and everything looks so complex at first, and anxiety-inducing, donât give up, try some of the learnings Iâve had and believe me, nothing sets you up in a positive frame of mind than a solving a puzzle. đđ˝
I just heard that you have a higher chance of being attacked by a shark when you are swimming at the surface. Hmm. Remember the poster to âJAWSâ, ?
Yes, we live in strange time- short fuses, everyone in masks, trying to be politically right and staying away from one other to ensure we donât connect with a virus. Itâs probably therefore a good time to take a deep breath, say a prayer and dive deeper âŚ. into speaking out and not caring about how other people would react. Dive deeper – when you are unsure if that chocolate cake has too many colories baked in. Dive deeper.
Yet, many of us just think itâs safest when you can see the shoreline and are embracing the familiar.
When we are left with no option but to go âskinny-dippingâ in the dark, would you want to be lit up against the afterglow of the harbour lights or slip smoothly into the darkness? For the very beliefs that we sought refuge in under normal conditions are probably the ones that could compromise us during a crisis.
Let goâŚ. leave sight of the shorelineâŚ. and face your deepest fears.
Itâs not funny – every time Iâve picked a movie on Netflix during the lockdown, my wife says sheâs watched it, and I keep scratching my head trying to think of a time when she could have watched all these movies when I wasnât around. đ¤¨
I think the women in our lives, keep doing a lot of stuff when weâre not looking- just storing up info and knowledge on so many things to use for or against us at that opportune moment. Have you ever wondered what we would do without these amazing, organically-growing bodies of knowledge helping us along this complex life of ours since the time they got us kicked out of the garden of Eden, by providing us with Specific, scientifically-proven facts on everyday stuff?
I still remember washing thoroughly a non stick cooking pan sometime ago, and the automatic alert mode switches on in the ether around our home and I hear a voice from the next room – â⌠thatâs Teflon coated, youâre not supposed to scrub it like that âŚâ, I look up to the sky and thank god, for I didnât know that nugget of invaluable information. Where is she getting all this knowledge from? I quietly drop the scrubber and caress the Teflon coatingâŚ. aah!
The other day we had the New washing machine installed, and I stood beside the service engineer while he explained the usage, I called my wife to check if she wanted to watch the demo and she said âitâs okay.â, which I have come to realize is actually a âhell NOâ. Fast forward to yesterday, and I was setting up the machine for a spin and without even so much as a glance she goes- â dont keep the water pressure at high⌠or the hose will leakâ. Gawd, 30 minutes of zen like focus as the service engineer installed it while providing me with tips- All of it in vain? I think Iâve married âWonder Womanâ in disguise, seriously.
I could have just got back from shopping and would be bending half way trying to reach the vegetable tray in the refrigerator and she gives me exact details on how to store each vegetable type⌠dry. Pouched. Stalk out. Cut. Hmmm. Before I got married, I just went to the store and got âmilkâ, now after 20 years, I got to remember terms like pasteurized, skimmed, toned, fat %, check expiry date, packaging. Not sure how I even survived all those decades drinking just âmilkâ.
Labels. Labels.labels. Before I got married I just looked at the labels on items to check if I could afford it financially. Now? I just have gotten used to putting on my bifocals and reading the fine print like a student unprepared for his math test âŚ. GST? ST? Itâs going to expire in 2 week? Carbohydrates? Do I check âManufacturing dateâ or âexpiry dateâ? What the hell is âhalal cut?â
Iâve been benefitted by other life saving info too over the years-like, what is the right tip to leave a waiter or the food delivery guy⌠Or I could be lying down with my head propped up with 3 pillows, and boom, thereâs a medically proven fact on blood flow and strokes throw in my general direction ⌠so I just remove 1 pillow and save my chances of survival by 33%. Alternatively I could bring a bowl of fruit salad with some nice flavoured yogurt toppings at 5pm and she goes- âwhat? You will wake up with a sore throat tomorrow morning.â.
On the flip side all the facts and tips I read seem to be just crap, and doesnât seem to be helping me win any arguments whatsoever, however much I try and steer discussions into topics that make up my treasure trove of knowledge. I read somewhere that we need to close all the doors and windows at sunset so the mosquitoes donât fly in and try and find a comfortable place to stay the night, and since that day Iâve been going around the house closing doors and windows at sunset, while looking at my wife trying to see if sheâs going to ask me what Iâm doing, so I have a fact to throw at her now – itâs been 6 years now and sheâs never enquired on it.
Like a student from the back benches, trying to cram up for an exam at the last moment, I too try and read up online on stuff I could flaunt, however I donât seem to be getting an opportunity to unleash all this amazing stuff Iâve now got crammed up in my head for a counter argument all these years- The reason why black holes existâŚ. ânew dance form found within an isolated tribal society deep in the amazon junglesâ⌠âsleep cycles of the rich and famous?â. âHow to build a panic room in the event of a zombie apocalypseâ, etc.
I just realized what the problem is. Itâs that google is now run by a fellow chennai-ite. Sundar pitchai. Yes, with google now AI- ML enabled, itâs become as suggestive as a saree sales guy posing at your wife with a saree on each shoulder at a âRasiâ outlet in West Mambalam. Seriously. You could be browsing work-related stuff, but google thinks it knows what youâre looking for, so takes you on a totally different tangent. I could be typing some work-related stuff like â competency fraâŚ.â and before I could finish the sentence, Iâm Bombarded with suggestions on some vague plant based diet plans, etc⌠and THATS the problem. We guys have this crazy factory-fitted curiosity app for crappy stuff built in, and we get sidetracked, and before you know it, we would have spent 2 hours reading up on terms like âlegumesâ, taken 2 surveys to check âwhich plant-based diet is best for you?â, and ordered a 5 kg pack of âpea protein isolateâ on amazonâŚđ¤Śââď¸
Iâve got a plan though. I think Iâll hack my wifeâs google account and start afresh, who knows, maybe Iâll win an argument in 20 years time -if Iâm lucky and alive.
Life is short and we are all âday tradersâ looking for bargains on the market- Walking around. Offering our limited time here in exchange for a shot at earning a livelihood, making meaningful relationships and soaking up experiences.
Not surprising then that everyone is out to get the best âreturn-on-investmentâ, and the folk who come out winners are the ones who care about âfundamental analysisâ of their relationships and donât look at the market as a big casino where luck and karma play a part.
Okay at the outset, let me put down a disclaimer that I have minimal to no experience dabbling in the stock market, and cannot be termed a âthought leaderâ in the field by any stretch of imagination, however Iâm proud of the strong personal and professional friendships Iâve built over the years and feel Iâve unconsciously used the same principles – and itâs helped.
So without further ado, letâs get familiar with a few trading terms that should get us all on the road to profit booking in our relationships.
Followers of âvalue investingâ believe that a share price should equal the intrinsic value of the target companyâs share. This approach can be used to evaluate our investment strategy in relationships too. Many of us (usually the young, who have a long life ahead of them) have a âtraderâ mindset going into relationships – âGo in. Make a quick âkillâ, and exitâ ….. others approach relationships with an âinvestorâ mindset and have a longer horizon, spend a lot of time doing âfundamental analysisâ to ensure they carry minimum risk and usually are ready to amortize their gains if required over a period of time.
The key to happiness is to have a portfolio of relationships with both a âgrowthâ and âvalueâ horizon balanced out based on your risk appetite.
âStop-lossâ: This refers to an âExitâ strategy when things donât seem to be going as planned. All of us have experienced people who follow you when things are going up, but have a low tolerance for tough times and vanish into thin air when they see a faint grey cloud coming around.
Having said that, itâs important to have an âExit Strategyâ for all our investments and not having one will put you in a situation where you jump into a relationship as a âtraderâ, crank up losses quickly, pump in more good money behind the bad money to bail out (aka:âfallacy of sunken costsâ), get stuck, and decide to become an âinvestorâ and hold on to the stock. Look around you- are you stuck with these types of relationship investments?
âResistance-Supportâ levels: Look at the data stupid. Its important to evaluate the universal âhigh-lowâ bands that is at the core of any investment. What is an acceptable price to pay for getting into that relationship. Are you paying more than you bargained for? Itâs okay if you do, just be sure your risk-to-reward ratio makes sense and you are are cautious when there a high probability that youâre going to lose BIG? Step back, take a good look at the data, but trust your instinct. Also be ready to walk away.
Portfolio: Looking at out relationships like stocks and evaluating them periodically is critical to ensure you are successful as a trader and/ or investor. Remember though that investing in relationships should only be part of your âhappiness strategyâ and make sure you focus equally on your Career, Health, Wealth. Spirituality.
Itâs been over 4 months since the virus changed forever the world we live in. Itâs got us isolated, itâs killed economies and people with scant disregard, millions have lost their jobs, and the pharma industry is left scrambling to find a vaccine in a hurry – which seems a minimum 12 months away.
So while we wait for that proverbial âlight at the end of the tunnelâ, we will need to continue to learn to settle into this ânew normalâ and survive one of the most powerful of psychological risk factors for poor health – âsocial isolationâ.
Looks like this virus is sitting cross legged on an easy chair outside and reading an unabridged version of Sun Tzuâs âThe Art of warâ, while successfully dividing this captive population into 2 piles …. the âhavesâ and the âhave notsâ- and Iâm not talking economics here. The ones who have patience, a high âhappiness quotientâ and a purpose to wait it out – and the ones who donât. And the media in its pursuit of TRPs is slowly smoking out the weakest from amongst us by feeding us minute-by-minute updates on the fatalities and bad decisions, like a reality TV show gone viral.
Science has proven two truths on stress (a) A majority of us lose our ability to make rational decisions when stressed and (b) Our immune system is compromised when we are stressed.
Studies have also proven beyond doubt that If someone is driven purely by hollow consumption, and all of their happiness depends on their current personal circumstances, they could become stressed when they are not in control of their circumstance- like in a lockdown situation. So then, if we care about things beyond ourselves â community, politics(okay, probably not… đ¤¨) and art â then everyday stresses will perhaps be of less concern.
Last evening I just went ahead and did the obvious – comparing the top 10 list of countries with the highest âHappiness Quotientâ with the top 10 countries with the highest COVID fatalities – nope, not a single common country between the 2 lists- not one.
While this may not be a very real representation of fact given the multiple disparate moving parts between the two lists, itâs probably enough for us to consider that staying happy and with a strong purpose during this crisis could be critical.
While we continue to practice physically social distancing, Itâs as important for us to pursue happiness through âdistance socializingâ- Staying socially connected with friends, colleagues, and family, and finding happiness during this public health crisis while continuing to focus inward and finding our source of purpose, generosity, compassion and the components of happiness and specifically trust in one another and within institutions especially in a time of need like we are in just now.
So, lets learn to Smile from behind those masks, letâs learn to stay connected, letâs try making a difference to the less fortunate- Letâs strive to become better versions of ourselves. Letâs not forget that the world is healing too and when this is done, weâll agree it was all well worth it and who knows – we might just leave a better world for our kids. đ
Weâve all watched reruns of old English movies or Netflix series where our hero is this well mannered guy with impeccable prison habits- reading, painting, shaving, bathing, etc… and his cellmate was literally a grimy goon who finally gets influenced, becomes a best friend and accomplice in planning and executing an escape plan to perfection
Do you…. ?
Weâre all officially in a âlockdownâ- a prison term, typically referring to a situation within a prison (say a riot) that requires control measures to be imposed with force, and here we are – holed up with a couple of family members 24X7 for over 3 weeks now, and the obvious question pops in my mind…. Is there some âprison etiquetteâ that exists for cell mates that we could learn from during the lockdown to ensure we donât make the experience more painful than it already is for our near and dear? đ¤ˇââď¸đ¤¨
Well here are a few that come to my mind.
Make âsocial distancingâ a way of life: okay Iâm not just talking staring 6 feet away physically, Iâm wanting us all to do the same me mentally. Itâs easy to get under the skin of a loved one in these challenging times when everyone is in a very vulnerable mental framework. Irrespective of the size of our living spaces, a good way to socially distance is to just understand your âcell matesâ rhythm and respect personal spaces ….
Hygiene and decorum. Chances are thereâs more than one member working from home and taking zoom or skype calls through the day at different times …. trust me watching you cell mate walk to the refrigerator in his undies and peer into the lower shelves doesnât actually make for a good background when youâre on a client call. If youâre stuck with a cell mate like that – try some creative background wall papers available on most apps.
Fun fact: Cell mates use a technique called âcourtesy flushingâ when they have to do their business when sharing a small cell. Itâs a simple technique where you just flush the toilet continuously during the entire performance to camouflage the smell and the noises.
Turn the other way. Over the years thereâs a lot of irritable habits we gather like moss on a rolling stone, and Iâve realized the best way to deal with that and generally any awkward, unpleasant situation in life is to just turn the other way and face the wall. Itâs a time-tested technique used by cell mates and believe me it works like a charm, both personally and professionally.
Be a good listener. Most people when stuck in a confined space find solace in venting out their frustrations. Part of being a good cell mate is to be a good listener, chances are youâre stuck with a whole bunch of âIâm not guiltyâ type rantings by your cell mate – you donât actually need to agree with all their arguments – just nod understandingly and feign empathy.
Focus on non verbal Communication. In prisons where the dining area is mostly a âno talkingâ zone- prisoners just tap on the table as etiquette before leaving. Chances are youâre already at the receiving end of a cold shoulder by now and your very shadow brings out some base emotions in your cell mate, either way use non verbal communication- helpful when you our cell mate is on a call, listening to music on a ear pods, etc- donât just go stand like a moron in front, expecting them to drop whatever theyâre doing and listen to frivolous observations.
Respect. Being respectful will get you a long way in prison… okay not literally! Like I mentioned earlier weâre all in a vulnerable space mentally and walking around doing chores while operating with a very short fuse- the last thing you want in this situation is for someone to feel disrespected – take out your well preserved, rarely used collection of âthank youâsâ and âpleaseâ and make sure you use it generously in your conversations. Lockdowns are probably not the time for your sarcasm and wise cracks- hold them back. Believe me, I try to …. đ
Thatâs it, hopefully the few tips above will help you come out of this lockdown a better person …. and alive.
Iâm riding back from the supermarket, decide to take off my helmet, put it on my tank and ride past my home for no particular reason. It turns out to be a 10 kilometre detour straddling the lake close by.
I ride along âŚ.. smiling. nervously. Would I get my knees hurt? Would I be forced to do exercises I havenât done since school? Would I need to carry a placard showcasing a sentence that hasnât been spell-checked and created in âTimes New Romanâ(Bold)- gawd how I hate that font.
The delivery guy rides past- a cloud of mask, orange and broken dreams âŚ. stick figures with kind faces walk past too.
The wind is cool and warm at onceâŚ. stray dogs peep out of a dumpster – a pair of human eyes too. âLevelling the curveâ means different things to different people.
The smell of fresh sambar from a quarantined home as I ride past makes me nostalgic for chennai – the borders are closed I remember.
Kids on tricycles – make little dust circles on their verandahs like it were vacation. Old folk peep nervously through half closed windows, only to bang it shut when the sound of a distant cough catches their ear through the din of the TV playing inside.
A distant drum beatâŚ. the flickering hope of Diyaas lit on balconies⌠a chant dispelling the virus âŚ. a bunch of migrant construction workers sitting cross-legged on the steps of their âcompany-providedâ container shed they now call home- staring into the vacant abyss.
I reluctantly take a turn and head back.
The setting sun makes polite conversation with the moon and an evening star, like factory workers changing shifts.
The water in the lake seems blue- but isnâtâŚ. the trees seem green- but are they ?
The eagle is out, doing an extra lap too âŚ. two crows chase a âkuilâ, a forked tail tickles their overgrown eye lashes. Damn, these beauty parlours better be classified as âessential services â and open fast. A sparrow darts past too (hello friend. itâs been a while! ) while a 1000 fireflies pepper my face as I ride past âŚ.
I realize the padding on the seat of my bike could be a tad more forgiving. My pants do a small âwiggleâ and allâs fine. Lifeâs all about making those little adjustments.
If thereâs one thing that I could take away for this period of quarantine – itâs to be more âawareâ and conscious of the little, simple things around me that makes life what it is⌠things till now Iâve probably taken for granted⌠things we are too busy to notice âŚ.
I hum an old tune – â Life is what happens to you while youâre busy making other plansâ âŚ. the eagle sits majestically – pool side on the terrace of our apartment.
Itâs a lockdown and weâre trying to make sense of a situation we have no control over unfolding around us, and we have a lot of âalone timeâ to do it.
What do we do ?
We tell ourselves stories with us as key protagonist through the day and unconsciously through the night.
Having lived in cities my whole life, letâs just say – Iâm comfortable walking up to and making small talk with total âstrangersâ.
It could be that we win this battle against the virus in a couple of months, however the schisms its going to bring between the âhavesâ and the âhave notsâ is only going to get accentuated in an already fractured society and the war could be lost if a well thought out, post disaster management plan incorporating people to people/ community-wide initiatives are not addressed.
Secondly at the personal level, Iâm afraid that weâre all going to come out of this âsocial distancingâ period with a lot more phobias, introversions and general mistrust of strangers…. that knowing nod we gave to a parent trying to pacify a wailing kid at the super market… that âbhai Saabâ we used to break the ice with at the chai shop…. probably wonât work anymore.
In a world where society as we know it is already being reimagined by vested interests, my worry is having on one side these nervous, stressed out young parents transferring their fears and half baked knowledge into the next generation while at home for the next 21 days, while another section of the next generation join their parents on a 200 kms trek âhomeâ, carrying their meagre belongings and no money- hungry, beaten and tired. In one quick stroke of the brush, weâve divided the âessentialâ and the ânon essentialâ- and Iâm not talking commodities.
Sure we would all be back to BAU (âbusiness as usualâ) mode in a couple of months at most…. the economic meltdown? … probably a couple of years- but the impact of this virus on making general small talk with total strangers is going to be across a whole generation.
For the moment though Iâd prefer you stay 6 feet away.
Itâs simple. The corona virus doesnât actually kill us, itâs how our body reacts to it- that finally does. Thatâs the reason why the same virus has an effect no more than that of the common flu in some people, while turning fatal for the elderly with an under-active, weak immune system that suddenly goes to overdrive and damages healthy cells too. We all go through almost similar challenges in life (financial, relationships, etc), itâs finally how WE decide to ârespondâ to these situations (our immune system) that defines us finally. Donât let your âover responseâ to situations do more damage to yourself, than the situation itself? Breathe. Stay balanced. Stay healthy. This too shall pass⌠#letitBE #covid19
I realized that the best way to irritate your doctor is to start a conversation with – âDoc, I was reading on the internet that âŚâ or âDoc what do you think of ⌠â and just randomly start telling him about how you self diagnose and discuss âover-the-counterâ solutions with your local pharmacist. đ¤¨đ¤ˇââď¸đ¤Śââď¸đ
Growing up we had a âmedicine shelfâ at home since my mom was a nurse for over 30 years and the shelf was always stocked- junction violet?, spirit, burnol, betadine, zinc cream, cotton rolls, etc and a tablet box. So âself medication â when we got scrapes or bruises playing soccer, etc was a daily affair.
My dad on the other hand would walk up to âsalamath pharmacyâ, and the owner who was a thin chap, who looked like a âapuâ on the Simpsonâs serial would walk up to himâŚ. my dad would start by giving him a few symptoms, and before he went 2 sentences, âapuâ would already be walking up to a shelf, scratch his head, reach out for a cardboard box with all kinds of alphabet markings on it. He would walk back, hand my dad a small brown paper packet, with the dosage and cost written on it with a ball point pen that he always had stuck behind his ear. My dad would be giving him the looks we reserve for the pastor at church, make the payment and walk out.
As for me, there was a time when I loved to shop for electronics when travelling abroad- now, I just love to walk into a large pharmacy outlet like âshoppers drug martâ or âguardianâ and get all excited looking at the lineup of flavoured antacids, cough medications, ear drops, small hand lotions, etc and usually come out with the biggest spend for the trip.
I still remember the time I was travelling to Seattle from singapore and transiting through Tokyo airport. This was probably 2001 or so. Anyways as usual I got excited seeing a small battery operated head massager on display, which I thought was god answering my prayers for a solution to my migraine problems. The packaging was all in japanese- but I considered myself a âtechieâ who was comfortable with mechanical devises, so that didnât make a difference. I took my seat next to a white lady on the long haul flight, gave the customary introduction and no sooner had the flight taken off that I inserted fresh batteries into the head massager with a smile and started moving it across my temples and forehead. The feeling was so good⌠gawd these japanese guys were sheer geniuses I thought. The lady next to me was first curious because the devise was making a small buzzing noise in the darkness of the aircraft, but then she started avoiding making any eye contact with me and I thought âgawd, these racist folksâ are really very standoffish.
I was narrating the story to my other colleagues down that weekend in Seattle and only when someone wanted to see the devise I was referring to did I realize that it was actually a womenâs Sex toy called a âmagic bulletâ. đ¤Śââď¸
So I have this theory that the devil was present when god was making man. I can imagine them both sitting down under the apple tree and having a general TGIF moment on a Friday evening and as usual god is rattling away at how good his little âuniverse projectâ is coming around. The devil is chugging on a glass of wine with his legs resting on a garden chair.
And god goes, âhey luci (yes thatâs what I would call a guy named lucifer too.) , want a sneak peak at the new product Iâm releasing tomorrow?â And the devil strokes the head of the serpent on his lap lovingly and yawns – âwhatever!! Make it fast though- got some work to do on my âuniverse projectâ too… â.
So god mumbles something, puts on his specs, hobbles into his workshop adjoining the garden and comes back in a few minutes, âTa. da. Behold my best ever creation yetâ and out walks man. And the devil nearly chokes the little snake on his lap in astonishment, drops his wine glass and goes âOMG. He looks a lot like your evil twinâ. god blushes a light shade of pink, âha!ha! I know, thatâs because I made him In my own image.â The devil blows a raspberry, âphurpâ. âDamn. Donât you think that would come across as extreme ego pandering?â.
God looks a bit irritated by now, realizing that his masterpiece is not actually drawing a positive reaction â You know what – the rest of creation can take a hike, ’cause I care a damn what they think. infact Iâm calling him just that – âA damnâ…. and you know what ….. (pause for effect) … Iâm going to create another one just like this one just to keep him occupiedâ.
By now lucifer is very amused and the wine seems to be also kicking in nicely, he gets up, the serpent now curls up nicely around Lucyâs neck, flicks a forked tongue and knows thereâs something important about to happen. Lucy walks up to Adam, looks him In the eye and goes âboo!!â. Adam jumps up in utter fear and darts out into the garden naked. God tries to control his laughter and admonishes the devil âLuci. Donât scare the poor boy!â.
Lucifer waits a few moments, for effect and to make sure Adam has well and truly left and walks up to god, and whispers â you know what? This bald guy is great, but I have a quick fix to keep this dumb chap occupied when the woman youâre planning, isnât around…â. god dismisses him with a wave of the hand and goes- âdonât worry Iâve taken care of that your pervert? Anyways go ahead itâs Friday evening and I can do with some party talk.â
The devil scratches his bald head and smiles -â you got to just put some thin grass like stuff on his head that would grow, blow in the wind, get easily disturbed, change colour and fall off. Believe me thatâs enough to keep this nitwik occupiedâ. God shakes his head, slaps the devil on his back and goes â like hair? finally, thatâs sheer genius. Why didnât I think of that myself. something I could definitely doâ. He snaps his fingers and sure enough Adam whoâs by now grinning at his own reflection in the stream that runs through the garden of eden, jumps up with joy on suddenly seeing hair pop up on his head and starts running his fingers through it.
God looks at lucifer, shakes his head, smiles and goes – âyou little devil! See you tomorrow. Careful itâs getting dark outside….â
And THAT my friend is where it all started…
Fast forward 2000 years …
Growing up we all develop a love-hate relationship with our hair. I didnât have such privileges though. i grew up with both parents from the forces and was also part of a cult-like religious group- without the pointy hats though. So while the 70s and 80s were marked by long hair and bell bottoms- for us 3 brothers we used to sport what is called a âsummer cutâ, so lets just agree that much of my relationship with my hair has been – hate.
For the uninitiated, a âsummer cutâ is essentially where a âbarberâ would mimic a farmer ploughing his field using a âmachineâ. Yes when we were growing up – everything was simple and we just called things as it is without fear of being called out as âinappropriateâ.
We stayed in a middle class neighbourhood of town, and the âneighbourhoodâ essentially meant we had an oil shop (to buy kerosene) for cooking …. next was a âNayyar bakerâ,… âbarber shopâ…… âpaper shopâ… âBrahmin hotelâ…. âPotti Kadai….. âBhai hotelâ …. âwatch shopâ…. next Muslim doc…. then ânext streetâ which essentially was that – the next street, where many of our friends and pandian, our PT master and Alwar our science master from School lives. It was a time before GPS, internet, handphone and 6 lane roads, and so our world essentially extended around a 10 kilometres radius. Go east to marina beach….. west to Nungambakkam …. north to mount road or parryâs corner at best and south to Mylapore ….. or adyar.
So then , sorry I digressed there, the barber used to do âhouse callsâ when we were real small and then, when we could cross the road, we did the âwalk of shameâ to and back from the hair dresser like a âbeforeâ- âafterâ tictok video. The next week post the dreaded haircut was all about being teased in school, wearing a cap and generally having a good look in the mirror every morning hoping for some growth. We finally landed at church on Sunday morning and everyone gave me an appreciative nod and smile and I literally saw a white dove take off from the back of my head while a voice from heaven went ânitwikâ.
Anyways my relationship with my hair has taken a lot of avatars since – âsummer-cutâ … âstep-cutâ … âjust trimmingâ … ânumber 2 blade full-ah podu pahâ … âlongâ, to where Iâm now âheadedâ (sorry for the pun) – âbald!â
… and youâre afraid a virus named after a beer is going to take me down?
I’m all for encouraging small business owners and I believe anyone charging me more than 100 bucks for my hair-“style” is ripping me off. So I go to the local “barber”, so my son, Nischinth can spend 1000 bucks at Freaking “Toni & Guy”. đŚ I give only one instruction- “Number 2 podu Paa”…I mean the number on the electric trimmer. Not what you think. đ . Check out the “Gellette” Foam and the “Jordan” Color-ah. The funny thing is I went in at 8:55.a.m and the guy tries out his electric trimmer on one “girdha” (sideburns) and then goes “Saar 9:00.a.m current cut-uh”. Hello? and then rushes through like an MTC bus on my head. Its a small hole-in the wall shop and I don;t need to walk to the sink (check it out behind the fan) ; if I ever get the courage to have a “shampoo wash”. Anyways the last time my wife Kavitha visited the Tirupathi temple in southern india, I accompanied here as usual ( I’ve been in a couple of times – but can’t manage the claustrophobic queues… ) and as usual I sauntered around the back lanes trying to pass time… had 2 cups of tea… walk,walk.. still an hour to go- so I enter where-else- a “barber shop”. “Number 2 podu pah”. still 45 minutes to go… “Oru Head massage”… still 15 minutes… “Oru facial podu paa”… I’m not kidding he started with a foundation of talcum powder ( pervert!) , then some white wax type of thing… then some pink lotion with golden sparkles. Gawd. Kavitha could’nt stop laughing when she came back and saw me all bleach-faced and sparkling. LOL! “GO. Encourage your local business owner.”
One of the most searched questions on quora and google is probably, “what is your purpose?â
However the answer is not a simple one and has 2 sides to it based on how you look at it.
On the one side we have to just look at the evil perpetuated by ordinary folks who are given to believe that they are fulfilling a faith-based, âgod given purposeâ, when they go to war in pointy white hats, blow up airplanes, bring down places of worship, and take another life brazenly on the streets.
Thereâs got to be something wrong here …. so letâs try and deconstruct this myth – firstly we need to understand that this universe doesnât owe you anything, yes – like nothing… zilch…. and if you think youâre part of gods great messianic plan to save or change the world- itâs best you fold that thought thrice into a nice small compact pill sized ball, slather it with a generous dose of moisturizer and do the right thing. (Ouch!) The universe doesnât need saving…. it never has… it never will. Long past humans annihilating themselves, the universe will survive, heal itself and prosper.
So whatâs the deal here??
Side 1
Youâll agree that one of the greatest works of art ever was Michelangeloâs work at the Sistine chapel in the Vatican City. 5000 square feet of divine magic painted on the ceiling (yes!) Inspired by stories in the bible on the creation of the world, Adam and Eve, the great flood, etc, and taking over 4 years to complete. The Sistine chapel is not just about the ceiling though. The walls are in 3 levels and covered in artwork by some of the greatest renaissance painters and creative minds that ever walked this planet. As if this wasnât enough, the pavement of the Chapel is a combination of marble and a colored stone that marks the processional way from the main door that the Pope follows on Palm Sunday.
Hold that thought.
I believe the problem in todayâs world is that a large majority of the population are ego-centric, nincompoops, looking desperately for that elusive holy grail of purposes by figuratively walking in the dark through the Sistine chapel with a candle in hand and being exposed to temporary revelations, which they mistakenly label as âtheir callingâ, illuminated by the small circles of light or a breaking rain cloud in the distance. The ego in us makes us stop mid- stride, ecstatic, feeling âenlightenedâ (sorry for the pun!), or confused and fearful all at once, or sometimes even propels us to dance in a mad, psychedelic stupor with flashes of light and long shadows giving us the illusion of dancing an immersive, cosmic dance with gods, angels, and demons around us.
The truth is – itâs not true!
Let their be light…
Its is only when we give context to this illusionary truth, when the first rays of the morning sun slowly shines through the stain glass windows and reveals the magnificence that we go speechless as our whole being absorbs the divinity of this sacred place …. and we step back in embarrassment at the realization that what we had all along considered our purpose has nothing to do with us at all.
What if the singular purpose of life is the realization that there isnât one, and Itâs only your ego that makes you believe that you deserve one.
Side 2.
Now there are others who donât have such egoistic delusions of being part of âgods grand planâ, believing simply that weâre all just here on âday passesâ to the Sistine chapel, and every visitor passing through the chapel has a personal experience based on his talents and mental makeup- if you are a religious person, the experience through the chapel inspires a fountain of reverence and you come out with a satisfaction or reaffirmation of faith… if you are an artist – your purpose is fulfilled through unfathomable inspiration …. if you are an architect- itâs a different outcome and if you just want to spend you day experiencing the quietness in meditation – well itâs all up to you.
And thatâs probably what we could define as our âpersonal purposeâ – an individual choice we make on what we want to accomplish on this day pass at life – for “Kobe” it was to become the best basketball player in history. For Martin Luther king or a Gandhi or even a hitler- they had a personal purpose that defined the impact they made to change the world.
For many of us though our best option to finding and fulfilling our purpose would be in striving to be the best we can, to use the special talents we have and excel in a field of our choice or better still find a problem or cause thatâs worth fixing in this world and go about fixing it with all our body, mind and soul.
So this week some of the supervisors at work, went through a workshop on behavioural interviewing techniques, where a couple of us were requested to share a few learnings weâve had over the years in interviewing candidates.
I thought I should probably try and put together what I tried to articulate during the session.
Humility is under-rated. New hiring managers and old ones too, sometimes get a âhighâ out of being in a position where you literally are able to change the direction of a Candidates career. Remember the saying, âwith great power, comes great responsibilityâ? Well, I personally feel being conscious of your own interview experiences as a candidate as you started off your career is helpful to put your current role at hand in perspective. Being mindful that youâre treating your candidates with dignity and respect is always a good starting point. Small stuff like an apology if youâve had a candidate waiting for a while is always in line. Itâs sad that doctors and interviewers donât feel the need to apologize when theyâve had people/ patients waiting for hours on end.
âMulti-taskingâ is over-rated. Not sure if multi-tasking actually improves productivity – but Iâm a âsingle- taskerâ and when in an interview, a good practice to follow would be to give your undivided attention to your candidate- keep your phones on âsilent modeâ and preferably off. It may be just another interview for many of you as part of your role- but for a candidate, itâs a milestone, so, make sure your respect the time and effort he/ she has made to be at the interview by keeping distractions to a minimum- if you have a secretary, ask him/ her to not transfer calls and if you have a smart phone- do the smart thing and put it on voice mail / DND mode.
Interviewing with Mindfulness is all about getting yourself and your candidate into a mind-space of clarity and awareness.
Listen to understand- not to respond. Itâs easy to forget that the most important aspect of an interviewers role is to listen. Ask the questions and listen. Try the 80/20 rule. You should be talking less than 20% of the time and listening the rest of the interview. Also practice âactive listeningâ- donât start framing your next question while the candidate is responding- maintain eye contact and listen to understand. Paraphrase to ensure your understanding of his/ her response is complete and true. Iâve seen a lot of interviewers sometimes use the interview to massage their own egos, and literally âhigh-5â themselves in their own minds with a smirk on their face, when they ask a good counter question that puts the candidate in an uneasy position. Grow up for gods sake.
Have a growth-mindset and be open to new possibilities. A candidate is like a stock, which a company invests in, if you have a candidate with great attitude and an appetite to learn- believe me, you have a winner, even if he/she probably does not have all of the requirements of the role. Hire for attitude- train for skill.
And finally…
Have conversations. Yes, put the candidate in a comfortable, non-threatening environment and chances are you will get a lot more insights into the person and make the right hiring decision.
Remember you are not taking a decision to get a robot to do the job, and a human comes with a lot of feelings, and emotional baggage which will have an influence on your team.
A resume lists âexperiencesâ, so while it is important to verify that the information provided is right and a true representation of skill – your role as an interviewer is to also decode the person who is the product of all those experiences.
So there you have it, of all the strategies and tactics you may try and craft to drive âCandidate Experienceâ and âQuality of hireâ, âMindfulnessâ of all stakeholders in the hiring process is probably going to have the biggest influence in driving these metrics.
It’s been 3 years to the day since we lost Max, a special member of our family for 10 years. When the little guy first entered our lives as a gift for our son Nischinths 10th birthday, little did we know that he would transform our lives so much. While we taught him small things like sit, stay, fetch, etc…. he taught us virtues like patience, authenticity, contentment, enthusiasm, joyfullness, etc. MAX GAVE EVERYONE A CHANCE unlike many of us he didn’t differentiate between the milk man, maid or our friends circle. Everyone got his attention and was made to feel special. MAX GAVE EVERYTHING A TRY ONCE – If he liked it; yes he’d go with it, else he’ll just move on. MAX LIVED IN THE MOMENT – He enjoyed a ride in the autorickshaws. We mostly took him in one when we went for his checkups to the best vet I’ve know #theark. He knew there could be some stress at the end of the ride, which sometime ended with an injection or having a thermometer shoved up his ass- but that didn’t deter him from enjoying the ride to the vet. He was a guy who if you told him there was a pot if gold at the end of the rainbow, would have said “f#âŹ# the pot of gold, I’m going to sit here and enjoy watching the rainbow.”. MAX MOVED ON HAPPILY from people who didn’t warm up to him. He gave people time, and space and had no hard feelings if they weren’t “dog people”. He also enthusiastically accepted people back when they felt comfortable and came back. Max may have left us, but we’re happy that he came into out lives and changed us forever. Travel well my friend. Travel far. RIP. … and Shine on you crazy diamond.
Probably the best album from my favourite band- âPink Floydâ is the one called (you guessed it right) – âThe Dark side of the moonâ. Hmmm, not just a catchy album name alluding to death, time, greed, and mental illness- maybe we all missed the point that was being made on âawareness of your personal nowâ.
Surprisingly everybody and their pet dog has a copy of âThe power of positive thinkingâ by this guy called Norman Vincent Peale on their book shelf…. hmmm, I think the book is over-rated, irrelevant and probably the reason we have so many flaky, charlatans in society today.
Iâve infact seen a lot of fresh graduates at walk into day 0 at work, with a copy of the book and brandish it proudly on their desks through year 1. Guess what? Want to impress the boss? Bring a Pink Floyd album to work. Iâm serious.
For too long weâve been doling our advise like âstay positiveâ, âalways look on the bright side of lifeâ and other such corny stuff. But have you noticed that when you try and ignore something, you actually give it more control over you. Think about it. Try holding a tight fist for a while and not focus on the discomfort.
I think its almost impossible to focus on the white dot on the dark page, by not bringing into context the âblacknessâ- the negativity, if you will. True awareness of your personal ânowâ is impossible to attain by just going into a lotus position, holding a âMona-Lisa, half-smileâ while you close your eyes and not acknowledge the darkness within you- take my word- we all have it! Some like me – more than others. âšď¸ I think weâll all do well to go into an âinverted lotus positionâ, (donât feel shy!) open the dark corners of our ….. closet, (…you pervert đ¤ˇââď¸) a bit everyday, and do some house keeping.
So there you have it – donât hide your flaws, acknowledge your pain, embrace your dark side, wear it with pride like a tattoo, âcause itâs true- âThose Who Mind Donât Matter, and Those Who Matter Donât Mind.â
Okay I got to go continue my search for that white dot within me that I (…. and many others Iâm guessing too…) have been trying to find without success for many years now.đ¤¨
This week, I celebrated successfully spinning round the sun another time. Yes just sitting on a rock hurtling through space at 460 meters per second…. or roughly 1000 miles an hour for over 50 years now- enough time to unravel such stuff as Cat motivations and Karma.
Okay now that weâve got that one out of the way, letâs look at debugging the purpose of life. Surprise! Surprise- life has as much meaning to it as a cat chasing after laser dots. We seem to catch it on some luck day- only to stare blankly at our palms, shake our heads and go – ânope, no meaning here!â
And so along with the realization that none of us are going to leave this rock alive, why get worked up, frustrated, depressed … at people … at the innumerable âwhat ifâsâ and âif onlyâsâ from the past that cloud our thoughts in an endless loop.
Lets agree in the new decade thatâs rolled in that âhappinessâ is just a consequence of accepting the choices we made and not feeling nostalgic for the life that never unfolded … and while weâre at it- letâs agree also that âkarmaâ is just as real as a gentle wind that moves our sail boats. We could acknowledge itâs presence, but donât need to accept the course of its machinations anymore- âCause who goes on sail boats these days anyways? A word of caution though- karma will get you if you sit on your ass and don’t take ownership for your own destiny.
Mankind has proved time and again that we could, by the magic of our imagination and resourcefulness build ships that can drive our lives against these winds of karmas and help us gain full control of our own destiny …. and while weâre at it, may I suggest we stop mocking cats for their stubbornness!
My son just hauled a nice Taylor guitar 13k kilometres on a flight for me and Iâve made a vow to play everyday this year.
Iâve realized a simple hack to ensure you or your kids play more everyday, is to keep the instrument open in the living area of your homes, so youâre passing it a 100 times everyday and since itâs out of its case, tuned and easily accessible – youâll instinctively pick it up and play a bit. Iâve also realized that if you have the instrument in a case under your bed – chances are youâll not play it as often.
With the year still new and shining, I think it would be worthwhile to assess the toxic people and negative emotions weâve allowed to slowly garner prime real estate in the space just around us – our âinner circleâ as it were – Because the things we keep most accessible are the things that finally influences and defines who we truly become.
Iâve realized also that Facebook is a great tool to get social, but with artificial intelligence now inbuilt- itâs a âTrojan horseâ that has the capability to creep into our little personal spaces and rearrange the furniture – bring into focus or take to the background ideas, thoughts, people and emotions seamlessly, which influences our emotions and values system dramatically. The trick to beat Facebook AI though is âkarmaâ- yes, as we start posting positive stuff, Facebook machine learning gets tricked to sending us the good stuff …. and we continue to use whatsapp to wash the dirty linen. đđ
As for me Iâm going to address the âSolomon paradoxâ within me- talk to myself in the third person and Try and use the advise I give others myself. đ¤đ¤¨đ
I was spending some time this morning watching the Koi Pond at the home Iâm staying in at Goa.
âKoiâ – You see these beautiful ornamental fish often these days. Want to give your home a nice central focal point- think of having a Koi Pond. Very calming and you can spend hours on end admiring these colourful creature swim lazily through their ponds. Sometimes coming up to the surface and opening their large mouth in a perfect circle and taking in some air…. other times just following each other on endless loops in the water. Red. Silver. Black.
A little googling and I found out that these fish grow relative to the size of the water bodies (environment) they inhabit. Put them in a small tank and they grow to be 3-4 inches. However the same fish has the capacity to grow up to 3-4 feet long when in a lake.
Our minds are like a Koi Pond and our thoughts- like the âKoiâ. Sometimes colourful, self-absorbing and growing relative to the attention you give them.
Iâve realized that spending sometime in meditation each morning to be aware of the thoughts running through our minds- never reacting, but letting them do their little circles in our mind for a while without trying to get interactive and poking our toes could be truly therapeutic and sets us up for a productive day.
Interestingly however I noticed however that there was a stork (or heron?) that seems to have also made the Koi Pond a point of interest- not necessarily out of a will to be a better bird, Iâm sure. So while youâre controlling the size of the thoughts by awareness… you got to protect the good positive vibes from predators – negative people, social media, etc. that could destroy your peace of mind. Thereâs always a big white bird with long legs and a longer beak just blending in the environment – and misjudging its intentions could be fatal.
Itâs been painful watching the goings on in our country today. Strong opinions , stronger egos and an inflated sense of identity thatâs threatening the very fabric of our society.
I think opinions are like wearing spectacles. You see the world through the lenses of your opinions, and like wearing glasses, you have to keep the lenses clean and evaluate their effectiveness periodically, not because theyâre wrong- but because they become irrelevant as you transition through life and absorb new experiences and ideas.
Iâve seen my share of stubborn older people in our family circles, whoâs ego gets in the way and they do not accept that their eyesight is probably failing them as theyâre getting older. Blindly following traditions made centuries ago in a different context to me is a consequence of having an âinflated egoâ and âfalse identityâ.
The humility to listen to opinions different to ours, being open to new experiences and ideas that go contrary to our own and being open to recalibrate our own opinions (if required) in a rapidly changing society to me is a life skill worth developing and rewarding within organizations and the political arena.
Have a great weekend and have those conversations. I think we just need to have more bars and reduce taxes on liquor- which in my opinion is the elixir to relaxing the guard to our opinions and having great conversations. đ¤Śââď¸
And finally, remember that the medal for humility is not meant to be worn.
So then, when you decide to do the 12 hour drive from Trivandrum on the west coast of India to chennai on the southern coast Like I did yesterday – the most common route is to drive further south around the western ghats, touch the coastal town of nagerkoil at the southern tip of india, take a sharp U turn and go up the southern coast of india.
Itâs difficult not to get totally immersed in the beauty of this little patch, however this point is probably what some may call the right place for a dangerous “perfect stormâ – seas on 3 sides and a mountain range (western ghats) cutting through. But then you pass the town of âMuppandalâ, in Tamilnadu, which was till recently just another impoverished, but beautiful, little southern coastal town, and you pass giant wind turbines now and realize someone had a brilliant brainwave and flipped the context – These are the perfect conditions to harness the seasonal monsoon winds blowing from the Arabian Sea and gushing through the mountain passes, and set up what is today the second largest onshore wind farm In the world. This stroke of genius has brought in jobs and turned the fortunes of all the people in âmuppandalâ.
In life we sometimes find ourselves in a âMuppandal-likeâ situation- when
everything seems to be going down and the winds seem perennial, so
much so that some even call it âbeing cornered between the devil and the deep blue seaâ. But we have an option- either accept our âfateâ, wallow in self-pity and go down the path of personal ruin…. or with a little rejigging of the context of our situation, we can build ourselves a wind turbine and harness the innate advantages of the unfortunate circumstances we find ourselves in- that nervous energy, that freedom to take risks because you have nothing else to lose, that anger, that realization that theres nowhere else to go- but up, and turn your life around.
Remember what they taught you about the âeye of the stormâ… well let me tell
you- they got it wrong – itâs the âiâ in the storm. Infact most storms start with the âiâ- Address the ego (I) that probably started it all in the first place, and is now also stopping you from turning your situation around and living a better life and get to work.
Okay, let me start with context setting – In life Iâve learned that the “positives” are mostly a by-product of managing the “negatives”.
We see the toned body- but never the hours slaving at the gym, the strict diet, the 5am runs. We see the corner office- but never the years of heartache managing the politics, the 12-15 hour workdays, the marriage that went down the drain, etc. We see the “Clapton-level”, guitar skills- but not the 10000 hours of practice behind it.
Thereâs some bad advise floating around though on achievement- âif you want it bad enough- youâll have itâ Nope. Just wanting something bad enough, never gets you anything – but a bad headache
So then, the 2nd all important question to ask yourself after the 1st one-âwhat is your purpose in life?â should be âwhat are you willing to suffer to achieve your purpose?â.
While your âintelligence quotientâ (IQ) and your âemotional quotientâ (EQ) are key indicators and should get you places- the key differentiator to attain your purpose would be whatâs your âpain quotientâ (PQ), because what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire, but by what bad feelings weâre willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feeling.
So now that youâve actually read through to the end of this post – its a good indicator that you probably have a high âPain quotientâ (PQ) to get to that corner office.
It was the end of a long offsite and the boss asked this of each of the leadership staff round the table a couple of months back.
Hmmm, Itâs a tough one actually and most folk at the first instance mix up âpassionâ with âpurposeâ, however knowing the subtle difference between the two is key to making critical life and career decisions, and so Iâll try and deconstruct it here.
Letâs start with a confession- most of us parents at some point encouraged our kids to âfollow your passion betaâ, so they wouldnât have to âworkâ a single day. Great advise right? Hmmm. Not actually…. Infact itâs probably a shitty career advise to give a pimply teenager- unless youâre setting your kids up for short- term happiness, and not for long-term success exactly.
Firstly, not everyone is an enlightened being who knows his/ her âtrueâ passion- which unfortunately ebbs and flows for us mere mortals at different points in life, and so probably not a valid parameter to make a career decision on … also it doesnât always guarantee a vocation or decent livelihood. Iâve seen a lot of brilliant musicians, artists who pursued a passion they loved doing and deeply enjoyed, only to end up leading a life of compromise, and heartache trying to make a decent living.
Okay let me explain with some biking analogies.
There are two key elements in creating energy in a bike or any motor vehicle for that matter – âignitionâ and âcombustionâ. When the spark that ignites you comes from within you and motivates you to drop everything and pursue this dream selfishly- itâs âpassionâ. If however that spark comes from an external source, like a persona, or a life changing event, etc, itâs called âinspirationâ
One thing we all can agree on- Life is dull without passions and it is an emotion that lights you up like a Christmas tree, gives you goosebumps, and makes you feel alive when you find it. It could be anything – music, sport, art, etc. Passion however is focussed inward on the individual, and like a spark – is temporary, directionless, selfish, full of emotion and if left unattended can actually be âeffing dangerous.
If you are a biker – youâll get the subtle difference – âPassionâ is ignited at the spark plug, and âPurposeâ happens at the carburetor.
Hold that thought for a moment …
So then, when your âlittle munchkinâ says âI loooooove playing cricketâ while stuffing his face with another slice of cheese pizza- it doesnât actually qualify as âpassionâ.
Remember that the little spark that ignited at the spark plug on the engine side needs to be powerful enough to take that âleap of faithâ across the firing ends and make contact with the air and fuel mixture, to really matter. If it doesnât- itâs just âinfatuationâ., and the role of parents and teachers is to provide the kid enough space to explore his interests and gauge which one of those is powerful enough to do that âleap of faithâ….
Donât get me wrong- Passion is important and ignites big things in life…. but to make things happen continuously over a prolonged period, a âcontrolled combustionâ is critical, and THATs where âPurposeâ comes in.
(TA-DA) ….. The carburetor …The role of a carburetor on a vehicle is simple- control the air and the fuel mixture to ensure a âcontrolled combustionâ and this is all done within the confines of whatâs called a carburetor and in this context – Purpose.
When you ensure you have the right motivations, talent and skill and put in the effort required- with a little patience, the magic happens and the engine purrs to life.
Exactly how much fuel and air an engine needs varies from moment to moment, depending on how long it’s been running, how fast you’re going, and a variety of other factors.
So what is âPurposeâ and how do we know what our purpose in life is?
A laymanâs guide to understanding his/ her âpurposeâ in life is finding a convincing answer to the simple question – what would I rather be doing to change the world in a small way and bring meaning to my life, if I had no need to earn a living? Mere Mortals often chase after âpassionsâ, super heroes however are motivated by a larger than life âpurposeâ.
So then, understanding the underlying âwhyâ we want to do the things we want to do is probably a great starting point to analyze the inner motivations, unconscious needs and purpose we aim to fulfil in pursuit of happiness.
Sure your kid is passionate about cricket and wants to drop out of school (atta-boy) and join a cricket academy after watching the latest edition of the cricket league. However before you sell off your home and pull âbetaâ out of school, try asking the important questions. Does this cheetos-eating, coke-drinking, CSK- tee-shirt-wearing, chubby guy REALLY have the skills and staying power to compete at the highest level – Or are his motivations only driven by the desire to sport âblingâ and be entertained by fan girls ? Iâd suggest you seriously consider a plan B if youâre blinking at this point ….
… and finally, life is all about balance – and following your passion within the context of your purpose is probably the right direction to take to ensure fulfilment of your true potential, becoming a success in any career you choose to pursue and living a fulfilled life.
Now …. donât quote me in on any of the above, Its not like Iâve attained nirvana- Iâm just another traveller on the open road
So I did a road trip on my bike with a few colleagues this weekend. The weather was not very comfortable, but the destination was absolutely beautiful and I learnt 7 life lessons during the ride I thought I should share…
(1) The first lesson I learned after we hardly rode 30 kilometres , was that there is difference between a âriderâ and a âbikerâ- and I am definitely a âriderâ, who does short trips to the supermarket, round the block, etc- a biker on the other hand is someone who lives for the long haul. I was the odd one out in the pack- slightly older, slightly obese, slightly crazy. While everyone was in full riding gear- I just had a wind breaker and a jeans, tee shirt and I was already half soaked as it started drizzling as I left home at 6am. Life is a long haul – itâs important we keep in shape, and invest in a good pair of riding gear if we hope to enjoy the ride.
(2) At 50 kilometres into the ride, I learnt the difference between âdiscomfortâ and âpainâ. Learning to differentiate between discomfort and pain is key, and once you understand your own thresholds, itâs important to learn to âget comfortable with your discomfortâ. In riding as in life, you constantly move from one discomfort to another- uncomfortable situations, people that are difficult, etc. Discomfort is temporary and with some slight âadjustmentsâ- you could just wait it out and ride on. Donât quit!
(3) The only people that should really matter are the ones you are riding with at that moment … (and yes, the people on the road -make sure you donât kill anyone on the road. đł ) Always ride with partners that have the backs of each other at all times. Learn to know your thresholds and the people youâre riding with, and make sure you respect their spaces too, and remember everyone is riding different bikes, and have different riding capabilities… factor that at all times.
(4) Like a good scotch – Biking is best enjoyed âsoloâ, and itâs important to get comfortable in your own skin and with spending long hours with yourself and the changing environment. On a bike there are no barriers like when youâre driving in the controlled atmosphere of a car. Smell the air. Breathe like sathguru. (Speaking of sathguru- me thinks this guy got enlightenment while riding solo on his bike…) and ride safe.
(5) Okay now, that âspaced outâ look with a constant grin that you see on a bikers face even when theyâre at the workplace ? – believe me itâs simple- theyâre hatching a plan for their next road trip. Bikers spend a LOT of time planning their trip and for everything that can go wrong. Broken chains, flat tyres, changing weather and gear, snapped cables, etc. So the next time you pass a bikers cubicle at work and you see them on their Handphone smiling and whispering about âlubesâ- believe me itâs not a girlfriend theyâre on a call with – itâs fellow member of their tribe. Smile. Move on. (recruiting tip- if youâre a manager and looking to hire- all things being equal- hire a biker! )
(6) Weight, control, balance: You donât feel the weight of the bike as much if it is distributed right and youâre in motion. As in life make âmaking progress â your prime focus… âalways keep movingâ. A little discomfort…. keep moving. Changing weather? Take a value judgement between safety and reaching your next planned halt- if you cannot decide, itâs safer to just ride on. We all carry different payloads as we journey through life- some more than others, no wonder the pundits keep harping on âwork-lifeâ balance. But skill and control especially as you negotiate âtricky turnsâ is all about âknowing your bike intimatelyâ and how it reacts to specific situations. Thereâs no alternative to âMastery of your craft.â
(7) Shift gears to suit the path: In my last ride yesterday, one rider in the pack came up to me, and as a ânewbieâ, advised me to âgo to 1 at the hairpin bendsâ- my first though was âhell yes, my bladder is fullâ, but then I realized he was advising me on gear change. đ¤Śââď¸. Your ride is always going to be longer than you expected… harder too sometimes, and the quality of the ride path is going to be constantly changing- smooth asphalt, moon surface, dirt roads, etc- so unless youâre a superhero with balls of steel- change gears, slow down, and let loose when itâs all clear.
I just realized that the secret to #happiness as you get older is – lowering your standards and expectations of others and more importantly of yourself… yes. And the best way to know if youâre getting older is to check if you miss the days when the only âproblemsâ that kept you awake at night started with…â if Gopal had 7 apples, and gave ram 2 apples, how many apples did Gopal have? …â. Hmmm! So there if you feel your problems are getting bigger than that – donât worry, itâs just that you are getting older, and the first thing to do is lower your expectations …. for example, is your âto doâ list stressing you out? Lower your standards and start writing stuff you can quickly strike off as complete at the start of the day and set yourself up with a positive frame of mind … start off the list with âget upâ, donât add a time – just âget upâ, jump out of bed. Smile – have you thought about the number of people that die in their sleep? – yes, just getting up in the morning in itself is an achievement, pat yourself on the back- youâve just started off the day striking off 1 item on your to do list. Treat yourself with a short nap. Next continue sitting on the side of your bed like a psychopath and take a few deep breaths like âsadhguruâ taught you in that youtube video – relax. âbreatheâ, remember every time you breathe – youâre helping save the planet, by letting out much required carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, so then, feel good already? Strike off item number 2 âsave the planetâ on your list. Finally, carry a small bag of âf**ksâ in your mind to give to people who seem to be spoiling your peace through the day. Keep it in your mind though. Somebody not stopping the bickering? Simple, just smile, reach out into your little mind bag and pick up a nice little âf**kâ and throw it gently in their general direction and walk on- life is too short to have people disturbing your peace of mind. I see a lot of new staff on my team getting married lately – thatâs a double whammy? So my advise is even more relevant to you- have low expectations of your partner if you want a happy married life- and when things still donât work- and you want it to- have NO expectations… 2 hands? 2 legs? Breathing? – sure. Same case with your job- youâre here to earn a living- not gain validation as a person, so get the job done and have a life outside of work. I got to go now, i need to drop this post and reach into my little bag in a hurry. đ¤¨
So I ticked a line on my âbucket listâ and got myself a bike- not just any bike , a royal enfield interceptor 650…. with dreams of the wind running wild though my hair as I do one last solo ride through the crispy atmosphere of Ladakh….. ride one last time through the green winding roads of wayanad… do an âeast coast rideâ from Trivandrum to Goa and back. Its however been hardly a day since my bike landed and somehow Iâm getting a strange feeling I need to water down my âPeter Fondaâ sized expectations and lay off investing in that leather jacket as yet. I just realized that when youâre a family guy and thereâs a new bike around- everybody magically seems to get altogether forgetful – âdippy can you just ride down to the super market and get me some âpudinaâ( coriander) and some curd for the Biriyani? I totally forgot thatâ… âdippy the ironing guy hasnât picked up the clothes…. I think thereâs a shop down the road who should be able to get it done- can you just drop it off please?â… â can you just turn right- thereâs a medical shop- I need to get some paracetamolâ, and all my macho dreams seem to be bursting faster than you can say âeasy riderâ. Câmon all you ladies – as newbie âbikersâ, we have some hopes and dreams you know. Sure we got to lose some gut before we qualify as âbikersâ, but give us some challenges, some heavy duty stuff. We donât spend all that money to carry your laundry or buy your grocery- want to frighten the landlord? Lean on our big bikes at the street corner, with a tooth pick precariously positioned on our lips like john travolta in âwild hogsâ and glare menacingly at the tweeny boys laying google eyes on your teenage daughter? Bring it on. Till such time though, I think Iâll add a large saddlebag to do these short runs to Kunnil super market for some âidliâ batter𤨠hmm, I wonder if they have a sturdy shopping trolley side car accessory at the enfield showroom? đ¤ #wildhog #HARDLYdavidson #interceptor650
Okay so let me get this off my chest – Iâm an Arnold schwarzenegger fan.
Câmon how can you not just shake your head and marvel at probably the biggest underdog in the history of underdogs- a surname no one could pronounce, humble Austrian beginnings, unconventional looks, with a gap between his front teeth so big, you literally needed to hang a screen in there to keep the bees away from his tonsils.
Anyways âArnoldâ never stopped laughing at his flaws, never took ânoâ for an answer and never stopped following his dreams, however foolish they may have seemed.
Become Mr. Universe? âShuur….â Hollywoodâs most successful hero? âWhahyee not?â ….. Marry into the âKennedyâ family? âAhbsolootly….â become governor of a state heâs still trying to pronounce- âkahlifohrnia ?â. âYhaahâ
Donât get me wrong- we got to work on our weaknesses to be âsuccessfulâ. However I personally think the secret to âhappinessâ on the road to success is in learning to accept and embrace the âlittle flawsâ… the little chips…the little scars that define each of us uniquely and make us who we are.
I have a laundry list myself – a little sarcasm… little mood swings through the week that vanish magically down the weekend…. bad joke machine when drunk,… and the list goes on. However my quirks havenât killed anyone- YET, so I just go ahead and wear my flaws unapologetically and with pride like a tattoo, and Iâm very slowly learning to accept the little ones in the people I care about. Iâve realized itâs pointless striving to become someone Iâm not and maintaining a facade is exhausting and strips you of your authentic self.
So now. Lemme deside if I need to spell chek this post … Naah!
Every residential community has one- no not the mandatory swimming pool- but the self-styled âenvironment warriorsâ, who seem to light up like a Christmas tree when an obese teenager doesnât segregate his trash in the play ground and somehow dunks his burger carton and coke can in the same coloured bin. They take the opportunity to give the startled kid a âholier than thouâ speech, almost forcing the poor, trembling fellow to pick up the trash and put it in the right bin, while standing there munching on a colourless, shrivelled, organic carrot they grew on their terrace garden.
Câmon the kid has been brought up to not care too much about his health- you think heâs going to be worried about âclimate changeâ?
Anyways âsaving the environmentâ and âclimate changeâ seem to be on everyoneâs mind these days. So much so that we even have opportunistic politicians desperate to get onto the bandwagon and into the âmind-spaceâ of the electorate by any means, resorting to posting staged videos of themselves picking plastic waste on lonely beaches.
Firstly we need to understand that not everyone shares the same values or convictions that we do (… and thatâs okay!)- however when you have âchanging the worldâ as your FIGHT, it will leave you exhausted and most definitely worked up too. But if changing the world is simply your âWAY OF BEINGâ it will be effortless.
Remember, we could actually lose the opportunity to drive change by our attitude. As much as you would like to pick up a torch and run around shining your bright light in everyone’s faces thinking weâre so right about everything… just be like a lighthouse, shine your light, and those who are ready to come out of the dark will come to you.
Also âauthenticityâ as a leader is primary, and when your âaudienceâ reads through the play-acting and the real objective of putting yourself ahead of the cause – you actually water-down the narrative and are doing a disservice to the scientists and real change agents toiling tirelessly to tackle the issue.
Gawd, I canât remember if I segregated the âtake outâ dinner foil packaging from last night and put it in the right bin… lemme go run and get it done.
This weekend was a special one in the history of athletics. One of the biggest barriers in the athletics world was shattered. âEliud Kipchogeâ the GOAT (greatest of all time) from Kenya created history and became the first man to run the marathon (~42 Kms) in under 2 hours in Vienna, Austria.
Though not âofficialâ, given a few tweaks to the approach used, itâs a remarkable feat and probably as big as the first moon landing- if youâre into that.
The anatomy of planning and executing to perfection a project of this nature is probably something we can all learn from to motivate us to go beyond our self imposed barriers, both professionally and personally and exceed our potential.
Here are a few that come to mind:
(1) Donât give up your dreams because someone says itâs âimpossibleâ. Breaking this record was on the minds of every marathoner for over a century now, and scientists predicted it would not be earlier that 2032 that this could be done. Infact this was not Eliuds first attempt at the record â but he went ahead, learnt from his mistakes and did it anyways
(2) Surround yourself with people committed to your success. Eliud had a team of over 40+ âpacersâ- an elite pack of world class runners in the 5K who took turns to keep the pace for eliud throughout the run and reduce aerodynamic âdragâ by positioning themselves in a âVâ formation ahead of him. Who do you surround yourself with defines your success ultimately. Do you only have some âfair weatherâ friends? Or do you have some who will be with you through the rough times.
(3) Equip yourself with the right set of tools. The Nike âVaporfly next%â is the patented high tech running shoes with liquid chambers and carbon inserts that eliud used to give him that edge on the road. Also a âpaceâ car in front of the pack ensured the runners were kept abreast of timing. Invest in tools that enhance your effectiveness. Read up as much as possible, because finally the power of your ideas differentiates you from the crowd.
(4) Small gains add up. Any improvement that shaved off even a millisecond was considered before the race. Focus on the small, easy wins in your life and do what it takes to get them done
(5) Break down your long term goals into smaller ones. A marathon is essentially a series of 5 km runs. Focus on one 5k at a time.
(6) Choose the right environment. A 3 km park strip at sea level with a less than 3 metre gradient was why Vienna in Austria was chosen also October is probably the best from a weather (humidity, wind speed, etc) perspective for marathons in Vienna. Developing the right environment for your team if youâre a manager is crucial for their success
(7) Understand the conditions youâre operating in and take advantage of the rules, without breaking them. Eliud had team mates on bikes who handed him
Drinks on the run without the need for him to break stride and pick them up. When youâre going after the big goals, youâre definitely going to step on a few toes to get things done- pick your battles though.
(8) Compete with yourself. Eliud wasnât competing with anyone else- he just ran with only one goal- break the record- not beat anyone. Remember others donât need to lose for you to win and the Best results happen when youâre focussed on becoming better than you were yesterday.
(9) A Marathon is a test of the mind as much as it is a physical one â are you in it for the long haul? Long distance running is as much mental as it is a physical challenge. When you hit âthe wallâ at around the 20th kilometre and your body says âgive upâ, its about staying humble enough to acknowledge the fatigue, but waiting it out and running through it
So, I have this morning ritual that Iâve been practicing religiously for a while now – step on the weighing scale, shake my head in disappointment, step off it and get on with the day on a negative note.
However, once in a while I go for a walk, miss a meal, have one less chapati at the dinner table or not have a non vegetarian side dish, and I look at the weighing scale with anticipation. Itâs amazing but even if itâs a 100 gram loss- i step off the weighing scale and literally see angels in micro minis, strumming small harps and blowing kisses at me in appreciation- and it sets me up with a positive frame of mind.
Reminds me of an old Italian joke of a poor man going to the statue of a saint every day for a month and saying the same prayer âdear saint, please please please – let me win the lotteryâ. Finally one day the saint comes back to life, knocks the man on his head in irritation and says…â for heavens sake son – please buy the ticketâ.
Success is mostly an organic thing and happens when youâre willing to make the small sacrifices consistently. That chapati you missed….. that single push-up you did…. that walk to the store….. that small recurring deposit you opened at the bank, may not be much, but it sets you up in the right frame of mind to make the next small sacrifice … and the next… and soon youâre seeing the magic happen.
So now, Iâm probably never going to have a six pack again- but I think Iâll start with getting off this couch and picking up that kitkat wrapper on the bedroom floor that Iâve been putting off since last night. đ
Paul Mc Cartneys âYesterdayâ is probably the most done cover song of all time, and the version done by Marvin Gaye is considered by many as the most profound interpretation of the song. Sadly though at the verse where Paul MC Cartney went â I said something wrong….â, Marvin goes âI *mustâve*_ said something wrong…â. Hmmm, sometimes itâs difficult for us to own up fully even when itâs someone elseâs song. đ¤ˇââď¸ I have many a time got into sticky situations where I should not have said something, probably a wise crack I thought was funny at that time – but definitely inappropriate and hurt someoneâs feeling. Itâs only later that I keep tossing and turning the incident in my head, angry at myself for being such a jackass and wondering how to salvage the situation. Iâve realized a good place to start is to acknowledge the infraction and accept full responsibility. Next, It doesnât need to be an elaborate, finely crafted discourse- even a few sentences, delivered with sincerity, can work miracles not only for the other party but in building our own character. Also if youâre thinking that an incident has warranted an apology, itâs only appropriate that delivering it via a call, or face to face shows you have the right intent to make amends. So however much a text/ whatsapp message may seem okay in this day and age – donât! And finally timing, Iâve seen a lot of people losing the opportunity to make amends- you see folks just torn from the inside at funerals- sometimes close family, just regretting that they didnât set things right earlier. Okay now Iâve got to go make a few calls. đ … a lot of them Infact. đ¤¨
So I have this theory that the devil was present when god was making man. I can imagine them both sitting down under the apple tree and having a general TGIF moment on a Friday evening and as usual god is rattling away at how good his little âuniverse projectâ is coming around. The devil is chugging on a glass of wine with his legs resting on a garden chair.
My son just hauled a nice Taylor guitar 13k kilometres on a flight for me and Iâve made a vow to play everyday this year.
go up the southern coast of india.