For 2 years I’ve been having mixed feelings about my Taylor guitar. It is a beautiful guitar that my son lugged all the way from Canada for me, but the tone was just not cutting it and the high action was adding to my frustration. I used to pick it up- play it for a bit and it went and stayed in the case for months. That was until today, and all I did was change the strings, to a set with a lighter gauge (thinkness). The difference was magical, and the instrument seems to have come to life and the distinct taylor chime sound with a long sustain now comes through like a dream. Sometimes its the small adjustments that make the biggest difference. It happens all the time at work too- you have a staff that has a performance issue, and sometimes all it takes is for a new manager to come and just change the string gauge and things start sounding dramatically different. We are all great instruments in our own right and sometimes all it takes is a string change and a tune up and for many of us Covid did just that and really opened our eyes to appreciate the little things we took for granted. Time for a setup this New year. 🙏
Last evening I went to redo a root canal I did over 5 years ago. I was experiencing excruciating pain that was shooting up my skull- pain I hadnt experienced since I stopped watching a particular TV news anchor over 3 years ago, and so I took the bold step I was putting off.
An xray revealed that the earlier work didn’t exactly go right up to the end of the root, so I agreed to do a rerun.
Dental visits in these COVID times are like a visit to NASA. The dentist came in a full space suit-type garb, she gave me a local anaesthetic and said “Lift your left hand when the pain is too much”. (Naughty. Naughty) 😂
Anyways she got to work and more surprises were in store as she was pulling out small pieces of cotton from my problem tooth like sorcar the magician. ( Cotton left inside by mistake 5 years ago.) Long story short – Im just letting all the bad stuff drain out this diwali weekend and hopefully have a “happy ending” next week. 😂
It got me thinking though about how many of us carry remnants of mistakes and scars from the past which we patched up. Trust me not addressing them was a bad mistake. Redo that root canal and save that sweet tooth.
“Happy Ending”. Guaranteed.
For a couple of weekends since coming to chennai, I’ve been driving a leased vehicle I had booked through a mobile app.
The car wasn’t anything fancy, but was using the GPS-enabled app. and providing me with unsolicited feedback and driving “scores” at periodic intervals.
The moment I got my first feedback, I was impressed with the novelty of the experience, and even checked the app a couple of times to track my scores, which unfortunately was starting to look more and more like supermodel statistics- 26-23-28,…
I couldn’t initially “accept” the fact that I just got rated “low”, but smiled and dismissed it and consciously started focussing on my driving. It was then that I actually realised there were a few “flaws” – hmmm, i depended too much on my reflexes and I did go into some kind of trance while driving and sometimes don’t recall anything that happened during the drive at all.
Anyways it was only when the scores starting going further south and the feedback getting personal, to the point where it actually termed my driving “lousy” that I lost it.
Chennai is a busy city under “normal” circumstances, and I’ve honed my skill for decades on its chaotic roads, where everyone provides instant feedback on everybody else’s driving skills. “Dei. saavgiraaki” is reserved usually for the morons using cell phones while driving. Another feedback for a driver with poor road sense is ” aiey, veetilla sohlitiya?” (meaning : have you told folks at home on your suicide mission?”.
Anyways we ” chennaites” learn to give and take feedback on the roads, not take anything said personally, and the short “reaction times” given the bumper-to-bumper traffic, only provides for a stare, a quick “choice word”, and some finger gestures that are more than self explanatory – mostly referring to a flawed genetic pool and sometimes people on the family tree ….and we move on.
We chennai-ites learn the difference between “getting defeated” and “being defeated” early in life. I’ve been in the receiving end of the gestures and rants a few times and have leant to (a) not take myself too seriously (b) actually appreciate the vast, and flowery vocabulary of the other party and (c) pick up a few choice words myself along the way that I store for future use at short notice.
I for one think that Donald Trump may have done well to learn a thing or two about accepting defeat with grace and dignity had he grown up in north chennai. He’s been driving his pickup truck like a “saav giraaki” for 4 years now. Learning to accept and even embracing failure with dignity, is an important aspect of growing up and getting better at what we do.
Okay, I need to run and check my score now.
It’s going to be 25 years since kavitha and I got married, and it’s like someone dropped off a pile of wood at our front door along with 2 small allenkeys and a 1 page instructions manual from ikea to get on a study table and chair project.
We spent the first few years of our marriage sitting on the floor, just flipping the instruction sheet, staring a hundred times at the picture on the box and rummaging through the carton wondering if ikea forgot to include a few important parts and contemplating a trip back for a refund. Family members and friends would walk past shaking their heads and whispering at each other.
The next few years we seem to have gotten into a rhythm, and things moved at a brisk pace, and people walking past stopped by, complimented us on the progress, my handyman skills and for some strange reason, kavithas brains. 🤨 not mine?
I was sure i mixed up a few of the little nuts and bolts, but everything looked good, and I even shored up courage to sit on the chair, staring confused at 3 nuts and a washer still not fimdimg a place in the project, while shifting my weight uncomfortably from this end to that… hmmm. a little squeak here- nothing a can of WD40 would not fix.
Kavitha and I have been sitting on these chairs for what seems like a whole afternoon now, dreaming of swedish meatballs and raspberry sauce. aah! The chairs are very functional though, needs an extra cushion sometimes, no fuss” and literally zero maintenance. The only thing you need to do is make sure you keep that custom allen key set and those 2 extra nuts and washer in a safe spot.
We’ve had bigger and more expensive furniture over the years, and that ikea set seems to have move further into the background, but we smile and shake our head every time we walk past this simple, unpretentious, comfortable and warm ikea set thats seen it all and continues to hold its own.
Life is shorter than you think it is- smile and get some comfortable and warm furniture that makes living better.
Now wheres that can of WD40.
I just heard that you have a higher chance of being attacked by a shark when you are swimming at the surface. Hmm. Remember the poster to “JAWS”, ?
Yes, we live in strange time- short fuses, everyone in masks, trying to be politically right and staying away from one other to ensure we don’t connect with a virus. It’s probably therefore a good time to take a deep breath, say a prayer and dive deeper …. into speaking out and not caring about how other people would react. Dive deeper – when you are unsure if that chocolate cake has too many colories baked in. Dive deeper.
Yet, many of us just think it’s safest when you can see the shoreline and are embracing the familiar.
When we are left with no option but to go “skinny-dipping” in the dark, would you want to be lit up against the afterglow of the harbour lights or slip smoothly into the darkness? For the very beliefs that we sought refuge in under normal conditions are probably the ones that could compromise us during a crisis.
Let go…. leave sight of the shoreline…. and face your deepest fears.
STAY SAFE. DIVE DEEP.
It’s not funny – every time I’ve picked a movie on Netflix during the lockdown, my wife says she’s watched it, and I keep scratching my head trying to think of a time when she could have watched all these movies when I wasn’t around. 🤨
I think the women in our lives, keep doing a lot of stuff when we’re not looking- just storing up info and knowledge on so many things to use for or against us at that opportune moment. Have you ever wondered what we would do without these amazing, organically-growing bodies of knowledge helping us along this complex life of ours since the time they got us kicked out of the garden of Eden, by providing us with Specific, scientifically-proven facts on everyday stuff?
I still remember washing thoroughly a non stick cooking pan sometime ago, and the automatic alert mode switches on in the ether around our home and I hear a voice from the next room – “… that’s Teflon coated, you’re not supposed to scrub it like that …”, I look up to the sky and thank god, for I didn’t know that nugget of invaluable information. Where is she getting all this knowledge from? I quietly drop the scrubber and caress the Teflon coating…. aah!
The other day we had the New washing machine installed, and I stood beside the service engineer while he explained the usage, I called my wife to check if she wanted to watch the demo and she said “it’s okay.“, which I have come to realize is actually a “hell NO”. Fast forward to yesterday, and I was setting up the machine for a spin and without even so much as a glance she goes- “ dont keep the water pressure at high… or the hose will leak“. Gawd, 30 minutes of zen like focus as the service engineer installed it while providing me with tips- All of it in vain? I think I’ve married “Wonder Woman” in disguise, seriously.
I could have just got back from shopping and would be bending half way trying to reach the vegetable tray in the refrigerator and she gives me exact details on how to store each vegetable type… dry. Pouched. Stalk out. Cut. Hmmm. Before I got married, I just went to the store and got “milk”, now after 20 years, I got to remember terms like pasteurized, skimmed, toned, fat %, check expiry date, packaging. Not sure how I even survived all those decades drinking just “milk”.
Labels. Labels.labels. Before I got married I just looked at the labels on items to check if I could afford it financially. Now? I just have gotten used to putting on my bifocals and reading the fine print like a student unprepared for his math test …. GST? ST? It’s going to expire in 2 week? Carbohydrates? Do I check “Manufacturing date” or “expiry date”? What the hell is “halal cut?”
I’ve been benefitted by other life saving info too over the years-like, what is the right tip to leave a waiter or the food delivery guy… Or I could be lying down with my head propped up with 3 pillows, and boom, there’s a medically proven fact on blood flow and strokes throw in my general direction … so I just remove 1 pillow and save my chances of survival by 33%. Alternatively I could bring a bowl of fruit salad with some nice flavoured yogurt toppings at 5pm and she goes- “what? You will wake up with a sore throat tomorrow morning.”.
On the flip side all the facts and tips I read seem to be just crap, and doesn’t seem to be helping me win any arguments whatsoever, however much I try and steer discussions into topics that make up my treasure trove of knowledge. I read somewhere that we need to close all the doors and windows at sunset so the mosquitoes don’t fly in and try and find a comfortable place to stay the night, and since that day I’ve been going around the house closing doors and windows at sunset, while looking at my wife trying to see if she’s going to ask me what I’m doing, so I have a fact to throw at her now – it’s been 6 years now and she’s never enquired on it.
Like a student from the back benches, trying to cram up for an exam at the last moment, I too try and read up online on stuff I could flaunt, however I don’t seem to be getting an opportunity to unleash all this amazing stuff I’ve now got crammed up in my head for a counter argument all these years- The reason why black holes exist…. “new dance form found within an isolated tribal society deep in the amazon jungles”… “sleep cycles of the rich and famous?”. “How to build a panic room in the event of a zombie apocalypse”, etc.
I just realized what the problem is. It’s that google is now run by a fellow chennai-ite. Sundar pitchai. Yes, with google now AI- ML enabled, it’s become as suggestive as a saree sales guy posing at your wife with a saree on each shoulder at a “Rasi” outlet in West Mambalam. Seriously. You could be browsing work-related stuff, but google thinks it knows what you’re looking for, so takes you on a totally different tangent. I could be typing some work-related stuff like “ competency fra….” and before I could finish the sentence, I’m Bombarded with suggestions on some vague plant based diet plans, etc… and THATS the problem. We guys have this crazy factory-fitted curiosity app for crappy stuff built in, and we get sidetracked, and before you know it, we would have spent 2 hours reading up on terms like “legumes”, taken 2 surveys to check “which plant-based diet is best for you?”, and ordered a 5 kg pack of “pea protein isolate” on amazon…🤦♂️
I’ve got a plan though. I think I’ll hack my wife’s google account and start afresh, who knows, maybe I’ll win an argument in 20 years time -if I’m lucky and alive.
You should try it too.
Stay safe! Stay home!
We’ve all watched reruns of old English movies or Netflix series where our hero is this well mannered guy with impeccable prison habits- reading, painting, shaving, bathing, etc… and his cellmate was literally a grimy goon who finally gets influenced, becomes a best friend and accomplice in planning and executing an escape plan to perfection
We’re all officially in a “lockdown”- a prison term, typically referring to a situation within a prison (say a riot) that requires control measures to be imposed with force, and here we are – holed up with a couple of family members 24X7 for over 3 weeks now, and the obvious question pops in my mind…. Is there some “prison etiquette” that exists for cell mates that we could learn from during the lockdown to ensure we don’t make the experience more painful than it already is for our near and dear? 🤷♂️🤨
Well here are a few that come to my mind.
Make “social distancing” a way of life: okay I’m not just talking staring 6 feet away physically, I’m wanting us all to do the same me mentally. It’s easy to get under the skin of a loved one in these challenging times when everyone is in a very vulnerable mental framework. Irrespective of the size of our living spaces, a good way to socially distance is to just understand your “cell mates” rhythm and respect personal spaces ….
Hygiene and decorum. Chances are there’s more than one member working from home and taking zoom or skype calls through the day at different times …. trust me watching you cell mate walk to the refrigerator in his undies and peer into the lower shelves doesn’t actually make for a good background when you’re on a client call. If you’re stuck with a cell mate like that – try some creative background wall papers available on most apps.
Fun fact: Cell mates use a technique called “courtesy flushing” when they have to do their business when sharing a small cell. It’s a simple technique where you just flush the toilet continuously during the entire performance to camouflage the smell and the noises.
Turn the other way. Over the years there’s a lot of irritable habits we gather like moss on a rolling stone, and I’ve realized the best way to deal with that and generally any awkward, unpleasant situation in life is to just turn the other way and face the wall. It’s a time-tested technique used by cell mates and believe me it works like a charm, both personally and professionally.
Be a good listener. Most people when stuck in a confined space find solace in venting out their frustrations. Part of being a good cell mate is to be a good listener, chances are you’re stuck with a whole bunch of “I’m not guilty” type rantings by your cell mate – you don’t actually need to agree with all their arguments – just nod understandingly and feign empathy.
Focus on non verbal Communication. In prisons where the dining area is mostly a “no talking” zone- prisoners just tap on the table as etiquette before leaving. Chances are you’re already at the receiving end of a cold shoulder by now and your very shadow brings out some base emotions in your cell mate, either way use non verbal communication- helpful when you our cell mate is on a call, listening to music on a ear pods, etc- don’t just go stand like a moron in front, expecting them to drop whatever they’re doing and listen to frivolous observations.
Respect. Being respectful will get you a long way in prison… okay not literally! Like I mentioned earlier we’re all in a vulnerable space mentally and walking around doing chores while operating with a very short fuse- the last thing you want in this situation is for someone to feel disrespected – take out your well preserved, rarely used collection of “thank you’s” and “please” and make sure you use it generously in your conversations. Lockdowns are probably not the time for your sarcasm and wise cracks- hold them back. Believe me, I try to …. 😂
That’s it, hopefully the few tips above will help you come out of this lockdown a better person …. and alive.
Stay home. Stay safe!
It’s simple. The corona virus doesn’t actually kill us, it’s how our body reacts to it- that finally does. That’s the reason why the same virus has an effect no more than that of the common flu in some people, while turning fatal for the elderly with an under-active, weak immune system that suddenly goes to overdrive and damages healthy cells too. We all go through almost similar challenges in life (financial, relationships, etc), it’s finally how WE decide to “respond” to these situations (our immune system) that defines us finally. Don’t let your “over response” to situations do more damage to yourself, than the situation itself? Breathe. Stay balanced. Stay healthy. This too shall pass… #letitBE #covid19
One of the most searched questions on quora and google is probably, “what is your purpose?”
However the answer is not a simple one and has 2 sides to it based on how you look at it.
On the one side we have to just look at the evil perpetuated by ordinary folks who are given to believe that they are fulfilling a faith-based, “god given purpose”, when they go to war in pointy white hats, blow up airplanes, bring down places of worship, and take another life brazenly on the streets.
There’s got to be something wrong here …. so let’s try and deconstruct this myth – firstly we need to understand that this universe doesn’t owe you anything, yes – like nothing… zilch…. and if you think you’re part of gods great messianic plan to save or change the world- it’s best you fold that thought thrice into a nice small compact pill sized ball, slather it with a generous dose of moisturizer and do the right thing. (Ouch!) The universe doesn’t need saving…. it never has… it never will. Long past humans annihilating themselves, the universe will survive, heal itself and prosper.
So what’s the deal here??
You’ll agree that one of the greatest works of art ever was Michelangelo’s work at the Sistine chapel in the Vatican City. 5000 square feet of divine magic painted on the ceiling (yes!) Inspired by stories in the bible on the creation of the world, Adam and Eve, the great flood, etc, and taking over 4 years to complete. The Sistine chapel is not just about the ceiling though. The walls are in 3 levels and covered in artwork by some of the greatest renaissance painters and creative minds that ever walked this planet. As if this wasn’t enough, the pavement of the Chapel is a combination of marble and a colored stone that marks the processional way from the main door that the Pope follows on Palm Sunday.
Hold that thought.
I believe the problem in today’s world is that a large majority of the population are ego-centric, nincompoops, looking desperately for that elusive holy grail of purposes by figuratively walking in the dark through the Sistine chapel with a candle in hand and being exposed to temporary revelations, which they mistakenly label as “their calling”, illuminated by the small circles of light or a breaking rain cloud in the distance. The ego in us makes us stop mid- stride, ecstatic, feeling “enlightened” (sorry for the pun!), or confused and fearful all at once, or sometimes even propels us to dance in a mad, psychedelic stupor with flashes of light and long shadows giving us the illusion of dancing an immersive, cosmic dance with gods, angels, and demons around us.
The truth is – it’s not true!
Let their be light…
Its is only when we give context to this illusionary truth, when the first rays of the morning sun slowly shines through the stain glass windows and reveals the magnificence that we go speechless as our whole being absorbs the divinity of this sacred place …. and we step back in embarrassment at the realization that what we had all along considered our purpose has nothing to do with us at all.
What if the singular purpose of life is the realization that there isn’t one, and It’s only your ego that makes you believe that you deserve one.
Now there are others who don’t have such egoistic delusions of being part of “gods grand plan”, believing simply that we’re all just here on “day passes” to the Sistine chapel, and every visitor passing through the chapel has a personal experience based on his talents and mental makeup- if you are a religious person, the experience through the chapel inspires a fountain of reverence and you come out with a satisfaction or reaffirmation of faith… if you are an artist – your purpose is fulfilled through unfathomable inspiration …. if you are an architect- it’s a different outcome and if you just want to spend you day experiencing the quietness in meditation – well it’s all up to you.
And that’s probably what we could define as our “personal purpose” – an individual choice we make on what we want to accomplish on this day pass at life – for “Kobe” it was to become the best basketball player in history. For Martin Luther king or a Gandhi or even a hitler- they had a personal purpose that defined the impact they made to change the world.
For many of us though our best option to finding and fulfilling our purpose would be in striving to be the best we can, to use the special talents we have and excel in a field of our choice or better still find a problem or cause that’s worth fixing in this world and go about fixing it with all our body, mind and soul.
So this week some of the supervisors at work, went through a workshop on behavioural interviewing techniques, where a couple of us were requested to share a few learnings we’ve had over the years in interviewing candidates.
I thought I should probably try and put together what I tried to articulate during the session.
Humility is under-rated. New hiring managers and old ones too, sometimes get a “high” out of being in a position where you literally are able to change the direction of a Candidates career. Remember the saying, “with great power, comes great responsibility”? Well, I personally feel being conscious of your own interview experiences as a candidate as you started off your career is helpful to put your current role at hand in perspective. Being mindful that you’re treating your candidates with dignity and respect is always a good starting point. Small stuff like an apology if you’ve had a candidate waiting for a while is always in line. It’s sad that doctors and interviewers don’t feel the need to apologize when they’ve had people/ patients waiting for hours on end.
“Multi-tasking” is over-rated. Not sure if multi-tasking actually improves productivity – but I’m a “single- tasker” and when in an interview, a good practice to follow would be to give your undivided attention to your candidate- keep your phones on “silent mode” and preferably off. It may be just another interview for many of you as part of your role- but for a candidate, it’s a milestone, so, make sure your respect the time and effort he/ she has made to be at the interview by keeping distractions to a minimum- if you have a secretary, ask him/ her to not transfer calls and if you have a smart phone- do the smart thing and put it on voice mail / DND mode.
Interviewing with Mindfulness is all about getting yourself and your candidate into a mind-space of clarity and awareness.
Listen to understand- not to respond. It’s easy to forget that the most important aspect of an interviewers role is to listen. Ask the questions and listen. Try the 80/20 rule. You should be talking less than 20% of the time and listening the rest of the interview. Also practice “active listening”- don’t start framing your next question while the candidate is responding- maintain eye contact and listen to understand. Paraphrase to ensure your understanding of his/ her response is complete and true. I’ve seen a lot of interviewers sometimes use the interview to massage their own egos, and literally “high-5” themselves in their own minds with a smirk on their face, when they ask a good counter question that puts the candidate in an uneasy position. Grow up for gods sake.
Have a growth-mindset and be open to new possibilities. A candidate is like a stock, which a company invests in, if you have a candidate with great attitude and an appetite to learn- believe me, you have a winner, even if he/she probably does not have all of the requirements of the role. Hire for attitude- train for skill.
Have conversations. Yes, put the candidate in a comfortable, non-threatening environment and chances are you will get a lot more insights into the person and make the right hiring decision.
Remember you are not taking a decision to get a robot to do the job, and a human comes with a lot of feelings, and emotional baggage which will have an influence on your team.
A resume lists “experiences”, so while it is important to verify that the information provided is right and a true representation of skill – your role as an interviewer is to also decode the person who is the product of all those experiences.
So there you have it, of all the strategies and tactics you may try and craft to drive “Candidate Experience” and “Quality of hire”, “Mindfulness” of all stakeholders in the hiring process is probably going to have the biggest influence in driving these metrics.
It’s been 3 years to the day since we lost Max, a special member of our family for 10 years. When the little guy first entered our lives as a gift for our son Nischinths 10th birthday, little did we know that he would transform our lives so much. While we taught him small things like sit, stay, fetch, etc…. he taught us virtues like patience, authenticity, contentment, enthusiasm, joyfullness, etc. MAX GAVE EVERYONE A CHANCE unlike many of us he didn’t differentiate between the milk man, maid or our friends circle. Everyone got his attention and was made to feel special. MAX GAVE EVERYTHING A TRY ONCE – If he liked it; yes he’d go with it, else he’ll just move on. MAX LIVED IN THE MOMENT – He enjoyed a ride in the autorickshaws. We mostly took him in one when we went for his checkups to the best vet I’ve know #theark. He knew there could be some stress at the end of the ride, which sometime ended with an injection or having a thermometer shoved up his ass- but that didn’t deter him from enjoying the ride to the vet. He was a guy who if you told him there was a pot if gold at the end of the rainbow, would have said “f#€# the pot of gold, I’m going to sit here and enjoy watching the rainbow.”. MAX MOVED ON HAPPILY from people who didn’t warm up to him. He gave people time, and space and had no hard feelings if they weren’t “dog people”. He also enthusiastically accepted people back when they felt comfortable and came back. Max may have left us, but we’re happy that he came into out lives and changed us forever. Travel well my friend. Travel far. RIP. … and Shine on you crazy diamond.
Probably the best album from my favourite band- “Pink Floyd” is the one called (you guessed it right) – “The Dark side of the moon”. Hmmm, not just a catchy album name alluding to death, time, greed, and mental illness- maybe we all missed the point that was being made on “awareness of your personal now”.
Surprisingly everybody and their pet dog has a copy of “The power of positive thinking” by this guy called Norman Vincent Peale on their book shelf…. hmmm, I think the book is over-rated, irrelevant and probably the reason we have so many flaky, charlatans in society today.
I’ve infact seen a lot of fresh graduates at walk into day 0 at work, with a copy of the book and brandish it proudly on their desks through year 1. Guess what? Want to impress the boss? Bring a Pink Floyd album to work. I’m serious.
For too long we’ve been doling our advise like “stay positive”, “always look on the bright side of life” and other such corny stuff. But have you noticed that when you try and ignore something, you actually give it more control over you. Think about it. Try holding a tight fist for a while and not focus on the discomfort.
I think its almost impossible to focus on the white dot on the dark page, by not bringing into context the “blackness”- the negativity, if you will. True awareness of your personal “now” is impossible to attain by just going into a lotus position, holding a “Mona-Lisa, half-smile” while you close your eyes and not acknowledge the darkness within you- take my word- we all have it! Some like me – more than others. ☹️ I think we’ll all do well to go into an “inverted lotus position”, (don’t feel shy!) open the dark corners of our ….. closet, (…you pervert 🤷♂️) a bit everyday, and do some house keeping.
So there you have it – don’t hide your flaws, acknowledge your pain, embrace your dark side, wear it with pride like a tattoo, ‘cause it’s true- “Those Who Mind Don’t Matter, and Those Who Matter Don’t Mind.”
Okay I got to go continue my search for that white dot within me that I (…. and many others I’m guessing too…) have been trying to find without success for many years now.🤨
What’s the “matter”? Do it!
This week, I celebrated successfully spinning round the sun another time. Yes just sitting on a rock hurtling through space at 460 meters per second…. or roughly 1000 miles an hour for over 50 years now- enough time to unravel such stuff as Cat motivations and Karma.
Okay now that we’ve got that one out of the way, let’s look at debugging the purpose of life. Surprise! Surprise- life has as much meaning to it as a cat chasing after laser dots. We seem to catch it on some luck day- only to stare blankly at our palms, shake our heads and go – “nope, no meaning here!”
And so along with the realization that none of us are going to leave this rock alive, why get worked up, frustrated, depressed … at people … at the innumerable “what if’s” and “if only’s” from the past that cloud our thoughts in an endless loop.
Lets agree in the new decade that’s rolled in that “happiness” is just a consequence of accepting the choices we made and not feeling nostalgic for the life that never unfolded … and while we’re at it- let’s agree also that “karma” is just as real as a gentle wind that moves our sail boats. We could acknowledge it’s presence, but don’t need to accept the course of its machinations anymore- ‘Cause who goes on sail boats these days anyways? A word of caution though- karma will get you if you sit on your ass and don’t take ownership for your own destiny.
Mankind has proved time and again that we could, by the magic of our imagination and resourcefulness build ships that can drive our lives against these winds of karmas and help us gain full control of our own destiny …. and while we’re at it, may I suggest we stop mocking cats for their stubbornness!
My son just hauled a nice Taylor guitar 13k kilometres on a flight for me and I’ve made a vow to play everyday this year.
I’ve realized a simple hack to ensure you or your kids play more everyday, is to keep the instrument open in the living area of your homes, so you’re passing it a 100 times everyday and since it’s out of its case, tuned and easily accessible – you’ll instinctively pick it up and play a bit. I’ve also realized that if you have the instrument in a case under your bed – chances are you’ll not play it as often.
With the year still new and shining, I think it would be worthwhile to assess the toxic people and negative emotions we’ve allowed to slowly garner prime real estate in the space just around us – our “inner circle” as it were – Because the things we keep most accessible are the things that finally influences and defines who we truly become.
I’ve realized also that Facebook is a great tool to get social, but with artificial intelligence now inbuilt- it’s a “Trojan horse” that has the capability to creep into our little personal spaces and rearrange the furniture – bring into focus or take to the background ideas, thoughts, people and emotions seamlessly, which influences our emotions and values system dramatically. The trick to beat Facebook AI though is “karma”- yes, as we start posting positive stuff, Facebook machine learning gets tricked to sending us the good stuff …. and we continue to use whatsapp to wash the dirty linen. 👋😂
As for me I’m going to address the “Solomon paradox” within me- talk to myself in the third person and Try and use the advise I give others myself. 🤔🤨🙄
I was spending some time this morning watching the Koi Pond at the home I’m staying in at Goa.
“Koi” – You see these beautiful ornamental fish often these days. Want to give your home a nice central focal point- think of having a Koi Pond. Very calming and you can spend hours on end admiring these colourful creature swim lazily through their ponds. Sometimes coming up to the surface and opening their large mouth in a perfect circle and taking in some air…. other times just following each other on endless loops in the water. Red. Silver. Black.
A little googling and I found out that these fish grow relative to the size of the water bodies (environment) they inhabit. Put them in a small tank and they grow to be 3-4 inches. However the same fish has the capacity to grow up to 3-4 feet long when in a lake.
Our minds are like a Koi Pond and our thoughts- like the “Koi”. Sometimes colourful, self-absorbing and growing relative to the attention you give them.
I’ve realized that spending sometime in meditation each morning to be aware of the thoughts running through our minds- never reacting, but letting them do their little circles in our mind for a while without trying to get interactive and poking our toes could be truly therapeutic and sets us up for a productive day.
Interestingly however I noticed however that there was a stork (or heron?) that seems to have also made the Koi Pond a point of interest- not necessarily out of a will to be a better bird, I’m sure. So while you’re controlling the size of the thoughts by awareness… you got to protect the good positive vibes from predators – negative people, social media, etc. that could destroy your peace of mind. There’s always a big white bird with long legs and a longer beak just blending in the environment – and misjudging its intentions could be fatal.
So then I now got to go stare at the pool. WHAT?
It’s been painful watching the goings on in our country today. Strong opinions , stronger egos and an inflated sense of identity that’s threatening the very fabric of our society.
I think opinions are like wearing spectacles. You see the world through the lenses of your opinions, and like wearing glasses, you have to keep the lenses clean and evaluate their effectiveness periodically, not because they’re wrong- but because they become irrelevant as you transition through life and absorb new experiences and ideas.
I’ve seen my share of stubborn older people in our family circles, who’s ego gets in the way and they do not accept that their eyesight is probably failing them as they’re getting older. Blindly following traditions made centuries ago in a different context to me is a consequence of having an “inflated ego” and “false identity”.
The humility to listen to opinions different to ours, being open to new experiences and ideas that go contrary to our own and being open to recalibrate our own opinions (if required) in a rapidly changing society to me is a life skill worth developing and rewarding within organizations and the political arena.
Have a great weekend and have those conversations. I think we just need to have more bars and reduce taxes on liquor- which in my opinion is the elixir to relaxing the guard to our opinions and having great conversations. 🤦♂️
And finally, remember that the medal for humility is not meant to be worn.
So then, when you decide to do the 12 hour drive from Trivandrum on the west coast of India to chennai on the southern coast Like I did yesterday – the most common route is to drive further south around the western ghats, touch the coastal town of nagerkoil at the southern tip of india, take a sharp U turn and go up the southern coast of india.
It’s difficult not to get totally immersed in the beauty of this little patch, however this point is probably what some may call the right place for a dangerous “perfect storm” – seas on 3 sides and a mountain range (western ghats) cutting through. But then you pass the town of “Muppandal”, in Tamilnadu, which was till recently just another impoverished, but beautiful, little southern coastal town, and you pass giant wind turbines now and realize someone had a brilliant brainwave and flipped the context – These are the perfect conditions to harness the seasonal monsoon winds blowing from the Arabian Sea and gushing through the mountain passes, and set up what is today the second largest onshore wind farm In the world. This stroke of genius has brought in jobs and turned the fortunes of all the people in “muppandal”.
In life we sometimes find ourselves in a “Muppandal-like” situation- when
everything seems to be going down and the winds seem perennial, so
much so that some even call it “being cornered between the devil and the deep blue sea”. But we have an option- either accept our “fate”, wallow in self-pity and go down the path of personal ruin…. or with a little rejigging of the context of our situation, we can build ourselves a wind turbine and harness the innate advantages of the unfortunate circumstances we find ourselves in- that nervous energy, that freedom to take risks because you have nothing else to lose, that anger, that realization that theres nowhere else to go- but up, and turn your life around.
Remember what they taught you about the “eye of the storm”… well let me tell
you- they got it wrong – it’s the “i” in the storm. Infact most storms start with the “i”- Address the ego (I) that probably started it all in the first place, and is now also stopping you from turning your situation around and living a better life and get to work.
Okay, let me start with context setting – In life I’ve learned that the “positives” are mostly a by-product of managing the “negatives”.
We see the toned body- but never the hours slaving at the gym, the strict diet, the 5am runs. We see the corner office- but never the years of heartache managing the politics, the 12-15 hour workdays, the marriage that went down the drain, etc. We see the “Clapton-level”, guitar skills- but not the 10000 hours of practice behind it.
There’s some bad advise floating around though on achievement- “if you want it bad enough- you’ll have it” Nope. Just wanting something bad enough, never gets you anything – but a bad headache
So then, the 2nd all important question to ask yourself after the 1st one-“what is your purpose in life?” should be “what are you willing to suffer to achieve your purpose?”.
While your “intelligence quotient” (IQ) and your “emotional quotient” (EQ) are key indicators and should get you places- the key differentiator to attain your purpose would be what’s your “pain quotient” (PQ), because what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire, but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feeling.
So now that you’ve actually read through to the end of this post – its a good indicator that you probably have a high “Pain quotient” (PQ) to get to that corner office.
Wish you well!
“So what’s your purpose?”
It was the end of a long offsite and the boss asked this of each of the leadership staff round the table a couple of months back.
Hmmm, It’s a tough one actually and most folk at the first instance mix up “passion” with “purpose”, however knowing the subtle difference between the two is key to making critical life and career decisions, and so I’ll try and deconstruct it here.
Let’s start with a confession- most of us parents at some point encouraged our kids to “follow your passion beta”, so they wouldn’t have to “work” a single day. Great advise right? Hmmm. Not actually…. Infact it’s probably a shitty career advise to give a pimply teenager- unless you’re setting your kids up for short- term happiness, and not for long-term success exactly.
Firstly, not everyone is an enlightened being who knows his/ her “true” passion- which unfortunately ebbs and flows for us mere mortals at different points in life, and so probably not a valid parameter to make a career decision on … also it doesn’t always guarantee a vocation or decent livelihood. I’ve seen a lot of brilliant musicians, artists who pursued a passion they loved doing and deeply enjoyed, only to end up leading a life of compromise, and heartache trying to make a decent living.
Okay let me explain with some biking analogies.
There are two key elements in creating energy in a bike or any motor vehicle for that matter – “ignition” and “combustion”. When the spark that ignites you comes from within you and motivates you to drop everything and pursue this dream selfishly- it’s “passion”. If however that spark comes from an external source, like a persona, or a life changing event, etc, it’s called “inspiration”
One thing we all can agree on- Life is dull without passions and it is an emotion that lights you up like a Christmas tree, gives you goosebumps, and makes you feel alive when you find it. It could be anything – music, sport, art, etc. Passion however is focussed inward on the individual, and like a spark – is temporary, directionless, selfish, full of emotion and if left unattended can actually be ‘effing dangerous.
If you are a biker – you’ll get the subtle difference – “Passion” is ignited at the spark plug, and “Purpose” happens at the carburetor.
Hold that thought for a moment …
So then, when your “little munchkin” says “I loooooove playing cricket” while stuffing his face with another slice of cheese pizza- it doesn’t actually qualify as “passion”.
Remember that the little spark that ignited at the spark plug on the engine side needs to be powerful enough to take that “leap of faith” across the firing ends and make contact with the air and fuel mixture, to really matter. If it doesn’t- it’s just “infatuation”., and the role of parents and teachers is to provide the kid enough space to explore his interests and gauge which one of those is powerful enough to do that “leap of faith”….
Don’t get me wrong- Passion is important and ignites big things in life…. but to make things happen continuously over a prolonged period, a “controlled combustion” is critical, and THATs where “Purpose” comes in.
(TA-DA) ….. The carburetor …The role of a carburetor on a vehicle is simple- control the air and the fuel mixture to ensure a “controlled combustion” and this is all done within the confines of what’s called a carburetor and in this context – Purpose.
When you ensure you have the right motivations, talent and skill and put in the effort required- with a little patience, the magic happens and the engine purrs to life.
Exactly how much fuel and air an engine needs varies from moment to moment, depending on how long it’s been running, how fast you’re going, and a variety of other factors.
So what is “Purpose” and how do we know what our purpose in life is?
A layman’s guide to understanding his/ her “purpose” in life is finding a convincing answer to the simple question – what would I rather be doing to change the world in a small way and bring meaning to my life, if I had no need to earn a living? Mere Mortals often chase after “passions”, super heroes however are motivated by a larger than life “purpose”.
So then, understanding the underlying “why” we want to do the things we want to do is probably a great starting point to analyze the inner motivations, unconscious needs and purpose we aim to fulfil in pursuit of happiness.
Sure your kid is passionate about cricket and wants to drop out of school (atta-boy) and join a cricket academy after watching the latest edition of the cricket league. However before you sell off your home and pull “beta” out of school, try asking the important questions. Does this cheetos-eating, coke-drinking, CSK- tee-shirt-wearing, chubby guy REALLY have the skills and staying power to compete at the highest level – Or are his motivations only driven by the desire to sport “bling” and be entertained by fan girls ? I’d suggest you seriously consider a plan B if you’re blinking at this point ….
… and finally, life is all about balance – and following your passion within the context of your purpose is probably the right direction to take to ensure fulfilment of your true potential, becoming a success in any career you choose to pursue and living a fulfilled life.
Now …. don’t quote me in on any of the above, Its not like I’ve attained nirvana- I’m just another traveller on the open road
Ride hard. Ride safe!
So I did a road trip on my bike with a few colleagues this weekend. The weather was not very comfortable, but the destination was absolutely beautiful and I learnt 7 life lessons during the ride I thought I should share…
(1) The first lesson I learned after we hardly rode 30 kilometres , was that there is difference between a “rider” and a “biker”- and I am definitely a “rider”, who does short trips to the supermarket, round the block, etc- a biker on the other hand is someone who lives for the long haul. I was the odd one out in the pack- slightly older, slightly obese, slightly crazy. While everyone was in full riding gear- I just had a wind breaker and a jeans, tee shirt and I was already half soaked as it started drizzling as I left home at 6am. Life is a long haul – it’s important we keep in shape, and invest in a good pair of riding gear if we hope to enjoy the ride.
(2) At 50 kilometres into the ride, I learnt the difference between “discomfort” and “pain”. Learning to differentiate between discomfort and pain is key, and once you understand your own thresholds, it’s important to learn to “get comfortable with your discomfort”. In riding as in life, you constantly move from one discomfort to another- uncomfortable situations, people that are difficult, etc. Discomfort is temporary and with some slight “adjustments”- you could just wait it out and ride on. Don’t quit!
(3) The only people that should really matter are the ones you are riding with at that moment … (and yes, the people on the road -make sure you don’t kill anyone on the road. 😳 ) Always ride with partners that have the backs of each other at all times. Learn to know your thresholds and the people you’re riding with, and make sure you respect their spaces too, and remember everyone is riding different bikes, and have different riding capabilities… factor that at all times.
(4) Like a good scotch – Biking is best enjoyed “solo”, and it’s important to get comfortable in your own skin and with spending long hours with yourself and the changing environment. On a bike there are no barriers like when you’re driving in the controlled atmosphere of a car. Smell the air. Breathe like sathguru. (Speaking of sathguru- me thinks this guy got enlightenment while riding solo on his bike…) and ride safe.
(5) Okay now, that “spaced out” look with a constant grin that you see on a bikers face even when they’re at the workplace ? – believe me it’s simple- they’re hatching a plan for their next road trip. Bikers spend a LOT of time planning their trip and for everything that can go wrong. Broken chains, flat tyres, changing weather and gear, snapped cables, etc. So the next time you pass a bikers cubicle at work and you see them on their Handphone smiling and whispering about “lubes”- believe me it’s not a girlfriend they’re on a call with – it’s fellow member of their tribe. Smile. Move on. (recruiting tip- if you’re a manager and looking to hire- all things being equal- hire a biker! )
(6) Weight, control, balance: You don’t feel the weight of the bike as much if it is distributed right and you’re in motion. As in life make “making progress “ your prime focus… “always keep moving”. A little discomfort…. keep moving. Changing weather? Take a value judgement between safety and reaching your next planned halt- if you cannot decide, it’s safer to just ride on. We all carry different payloads as we journey through life- some more than others, no wonder the pundits keep harping on “work-life” balance. But skill and control especially as you negotiate “tricky turns” is all about “knowing your bike intimately” and how it reacts to specific situations. There’s no alternative to “Mastery of your craft.”
(7) Shift gears to suit the path: In my last ride yesterday, one rider in the pack came up to me, and as a “newbie”, advised me to “go to 1 at the hairpin bends”- my first though was “hell yes, my bladder is full”, but then I realized he was advising me on gear change. 🤦♂️. Your ride is always going to be longer than you expected… harder too sometimes, and the quality of the ride path is going to be constantly changing- smooth asphalt, moon surface, dirt roads, etc- so unless you’re a superhero with balls of steel- change gears, slow down, and let loose when it’s all clear.
I just realized that the secret to #happiness as you get older is – lowering your standards and expectations of others and more importantly of yourself… yes. And the best way to know if you’re getting older is to check if you miss the days when the only “problems” that kept you awake at night started with…” if Gopal had 7 apples, and gave ram 2 apples, how many apples did Gopal have? …”. Hmmm! So there if you feel your problems are getting bigger than that – don’t worry, it’s just that you are getting older, and the first thing to do is lower your expectations …. for example, is your “to do” list stressing you out? Lower your standards and start writing stuff you can quickly strike off as complete at the start of the day and set yourself up with a positive frame of mind … start off the list with “get up”, don’t add a time – just “get up”, jump out of bed. Smile – have you thought about the number of people that die in their sleep? – yes, just getting up in the morning in itself is an achievement, pat yourself on the back- you’ve just started off the day striking off 1 item on your to do list. Treat yourself with a short nap. Next continue sitting on the side of your bed like a psychopath and take a few deep breaths like “sadhguru” taught you in that youtube video – relax. “breathe”, remember every time you breathe – you’re helping save the planet, by letting out much required carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, so then, feel good already? Strike off item number 2 “save the planet” on your list. Finally, carry a small bag of “f**ks” in your mind to give to people who seem to be spoiling your peace through the day. Keep it in your mind though. Somebody not stopping the bickering? Simple, just smile, reach out into your little mind bag and pick up a nice little “f**k” and throw it gently in their general direction and walk on- life is too short to have people disturbing your peace of mind. I see a lot of new staff on my team getting married lately – that’s a double whammy? So my advise is even more relevant to you- have low expectations of your partner if you want a happy married life- and when things still don’t work- and you want it to- have NO expectations… 2 hands? 2 legs? Breathing? – sure. Same case with your job- you’re here to earn a living- not gain validation as a person, so get the job done and have a life outside of work. I got to go now, i need to drop this post and reach into my little bag in a hurry. 🤨
Okay so let me get this off my chest – I’m an Arnold schwarzenegger fan.
C’mon how can you not just shake your head and marvel at probably the biggest underdog in the history of underdogs- a surname no one could pronounce, humble Austrian beginnings, unconventional looks, with a gap between his front teeth so big, you literally needed to hang a screen in there to keep the bees away from his tonsils.
Anyways “Arnold” never stopped laughing at his flaws, never took “no” for an answer and never stopped following his dreams, however foolish they may have seemed.
Become Mr. Universe? “Shuur….” Hollywood’s most successful hero? “Whahyee not?” ….. Marry into the “Kennedy” family? “Ahbsolootly….” become governor of a state he’s still trying to pronounce- “kahlifohrnia ?”. “Yhaah”
Don’t get me wrong- we got to work on our weaknesses to be “successful”. However I personally think the secret to “happiness” on the road to success is in learning to accept and embrace the “little flaws”… the little chips…the little scars that define each of us uniquely and make us who we are.
I have a laundry list myself – a little sarcasm… little mood swings through the week that vanish magically down the weekend…. bad joke machine when drunk,… and the list goes on. However my quirks haven’t killed anyone- YET, so I just go ahead and wear my flaws unapologetically and with pride like a tattoo, and I’m very slowly learning to accept the little ones in the people I care about. I’ve realized it’s pointless striving to become someone I’m not and maintaining a facade is exhausting and strips you of your authentic self.
So now. Lemme deside if I need to spell chek this post … Naah!
The 01:59 Challenge:
This weekend was a special one in the history of athletics. One of the biggest barriers in the athletics world was shattered. “Eliud Kipchoge” the GOAT (greatest of all time) from Kenya created history and became the first man to run the marathon (~42 Kms) in under 2 hours in Vienna, Austria.
Though not “official”, given a few tweaks to the approach used, it’s a remarkable feat and probably as big as the first moon landing- if you’re into that.
The anatomy of planning and executing to perfection a project of this nature is probably something we can all learn from to motivate us to go beyond our self imposed barriers, both professionally and personally and exceed our potential.
Here are a few that come to mind:
(1) Don’t give up your dreams because someone says it’s “impossible”. Breaking this record was on the minds of every marathoner for over a century now, and scientists predicted it would not be earlier that 2032 that this could be done. Infact this was not Eliuds first attempt at the record – but he went ahead, learnt from his mistakes and did it anyways
(2) Surround yourself with people committed to your success. Eliud had a team of over 40+ “pacers”- an elite pack of world class runners in the 5K who took turns to keep the pace for eliud throughout the run and reduce aerodynamic “drag” by positioning themselves in a “V” formation ahead of him. Who do you surround yourself with defines your success ultimately. Do you only have some “fair weather” friends? Or do you have some who will be with you through the rough times.
(3) Equip yourself with the right set of tools. The Nike “Vaporfly next%” is the patented high tech running shoes with liquid chambers and carbon inserts that eliud used to give him that edge on the road. Also a “pace” car in front of the pack ensured the runners were kept abreast of timing. Invest in tools that enhance your effectiveness. Read up as much as possible, because finally the power of your ideas differentiates you from the crowd.
(4) Small gains add up. Any improvement that shaved off even a millisecond was considered before the race. Focus on the small, easy wins in your life and do what it takes to get them done
(5) Break down your long term goals into smaller ones. A marathon is essentially a series of 5 km runs. Focus on one 5k at a time.
(6) Choose the right environment. A 3 km park strip at sea level with a less than 3 metre gradient was why Vienna in Austria was chosen also October is probably the best from a weather (humidity, wind speed, etc) perspective for marathons in Vienna. Developing the right environment for your team if you’re a manager is crucial for their success
(7) Understand the conditions you’re operating in and take advantage of the rules, without breaking them. Eliud had team mates on bikes who handed him
Drinks on the run without the need for him to break stride and pick them up. When you’re going after the big goals, you’re definitely going to step on a few toes to get things done- pick your battles though.
(8) Compete with yourself. Eliud wasn’t competing with anyone else- he just ran with only one goal- break the record- not beat anyone. Remember others don’t need to lose for you to win and the Best results happen when you’re focussed on becoming better than you were yesterday.
(9) A Marathon is a test of the mind as much as it is a physical one – are you in it for the long haul? Long distance running is as much mental as it is a physical challenge. When you hit “the wall” at around the 20th kilometre and your body says “give up”, its about staying humble enough to acknowledge the fatigue, but waiting it out and running through it
Now there…. go break those barriers!
So, I have this morning ritual that I’ve been practicing religiously for a while now – step on the weighing scale, shake my head in disappointment, step off it and get on with the day on a negative note.
However, once in a while I go for a walk, miss a meal, have one less chapati at the dinner table or not have a non vegetarian side dish, and I look at the weighing scale with anticipation. It’s amazing but even if it’s a 100 gram loss- i step off the weighing scale and literally see angels in micro minis, strumming small harps and blowing kisses at me in appreciation- and it sets me up with a positive frame of mind.
Reminds me of an old Italian joke of a poor man going to the statue of a saint every day for a month and saying the same prayer ”dear saint, please please please – let me win the lottery”. Finally one day the saint comes back to life, knocks the man on his head in irritation and says…” for heavens sake son – please buy the ticket”.
Success is mostly an organic thing and happens when you’re willing to make the small sacrifices consistently. That chapati you missed….. that single push-up you did…. that walk to the store….. that small recurring deposit you opened at the bank, may not be much, but it sets you up in the right frame of mind to make the next small sacrifice … and the next… and soon you’re seeing the magic happen.
So now, I’m probably never going to have a six pack again- but I think I’ll start with getting off this couch and picking up that kitkat wrapper on the bedroom floor that I’ve been putting off since last night. 😇